Facebook 25 Random Things

I kinda like this list, so I'm posting it here to not forget it....



Monday, July 6, 2009 at 2:09pm | Edit Note | Delete
Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

1. I have never had a cavity.

2. I find happiness in a cup of hot coffee with a touch of cream. I never stir.I like to watch the eddies of cream go swirling around the cup. l

3. My hidden talent is that I can pick anything up with my toes and don't have to bend down to pick it up. Comes in handy when you have a kid on your hip or are pregnant.

4. I love to make lists. I have lists about lists.

5. Musical instruments I have played: recorder, piano, viola, dabbled with guitar, and cello. I played the viola through high schoo. I have a cello in my closet that Greg got me when I finished Grad School. I took lessons for a few months and loved it.

6. I am kinda scared of tall blonde women. Short brunettes make me comfortable. however, my oldest friend is a tall blonde and she doesn't scare me.

7. I was kicked out of college twice. I was kinda distracted, uncertain of what I wanted and who I was. Once I got things together, I rocked college.

8. I love food. I wake up thinking about what to eat for dinner. I also love to go out for breakfast. Probably because they keep bringing hot coffee.

9. I am madly in love with my husband.

10. I've known my husband over half my life. I like that we grew up together.

11. I am a the first born. I have a younger brother and sister.

12. I have only one cousin. I have always wanted to be part of a big huge family and run wild with a gaggle of cousins.

13. I spent 2 months at sea years ago.

14. I love spending time in water, preferably cold, clear spring water.My favorite place to be in the water is Sewell Park in San Marcos at dusk. The water is like liquid night. My second favorite time in water was snorkeling in Curacao. I was awestruck by the quietness and the light. I could have stayed forever.

15. I long to be deeply and intensely passionate about somethings. I have been terribly envious of those with creative passions. I have been hunting for that something and hope that maybe I have found it.

16. I would really like to find a posse of interesting kindred spirits. Sorta like the small posse of boys from college that Greg and I spent time with or our San Marcos elders... but with kids and living nearby.

17. I never thought I would leave work to take care of my young kids. I also never thought that someone else would take care of my kids all day long while I was at work. I didn't realize what a conundrum this was until after I had my first child.

18. I like to practice premeditated spontaneity.

19. I met President Clinton and Vice President Gore in 1994.

20. I have a slightly overactive imagination and curiosity. I create in my head movie scripts and scenarios of what is happening around me, especially in restaurants and coffee shops. I also am really good at doing research and it allows me to feed this imagination thing and be a bit of a snoop. I think I'd make a good private eye.

21. I can usually figure out what is happening next in a movie. See # 20. Drives my husband a bit crazy.

22. I love the mountains. I also equally love the ocean. The convergence of the two is my nirvana.

23. The tips of my middle fingers are crooked and my little toe nails are almost non-existent. freaky genetic xx chromosome thing from my mom's side.

24. Occupations that I have thought about - precollege: sports medicine or marine scientist. College and grad school: mountain geoecologist, water planner, biologist, L&D nurse, social worker, recreational specialist, nature education, outreach education, gis/remote sensing. Job I've been most proud of - motherhood.

25. I'm enrolling in school again. This time I'm going to try out being a midwife. See # 15.

things and such

I've been busy. Real busy. Too busy to do much more than occasionally use facebook to try and remember things. I'm going to resist that urge and try to do it here first and then the babybook.

Things from today to remember.

Zachary-ism.
"Mom. I am growing fur on my skin. Why?"
Tuck-under, which is tuck -in at bedtime.
Buckle-in
Yestermorning, instead of yesterday.
His half hour talk with the paleontaologist at the Texas Memorial Museum. Things asked included, "what do you have to know to become a palentologist", "A T-rex has 2 toes, not 3".

Caleb.
*He's walking. He loves dogs. This evening he let Boscoe next door lick him on his face and then spent the rest of dinner signing dog and making kissing and licking sounds.
*When he hugs he makes a "mmmmmmm" sound and gives slobbery wet kisses.

Boys

I've been busy. I am back in school, the boys are at preschool - Caleb too. I went to a birth last month, had a 2 day workshop, finished lots of assignments, Greg has had lots of meetings and public involvement sessions. Whew. I've done a terrible job finishing my blog posts, so here is a quick one chronicling the lovely boys.

Zachary - 4 years and 5 months. Gregarious. Talkative and incredibly friendly. Adores people. Storyteller deluxe. Adores hugs, butterfly kisses,long sessions of wrestling and jumping, tackling baby brother, playing pretend, cats. Asks for playdates all. the. time. Sensitive to others and fairness. Silly things said - he drew this picture of the family for preschool. His teacher told me how the circles around us were symbolizing security and love. I asked him about his picture and he told me the circles was a volcano and Greg and I were on the volcano and lava was coming and we weren't burned up. Thank goodness.

Quick thoughts to blog about more later. Butterflies, orange cat and Blanco, our resident dove/pigeon. Caleb shaking head yes and no, Caleb singing. Caleb's laugh and giggle. Caleb walking with walking toy and laying down on floor to play. Zachary and his dreams. Caleb climbing.

boys.

Time flys.

Caleb turned 1 year old. We celebrated with a dinner with friends chocolate cake for Caleb. Little Bear enjoyed his cake and ate it so delightfully with his fork. He stayed incredibly clean and polished off an entire slice.


I am amazed that one year has passed. My boys will never be quite so small again. Babyhood is slipping through my fingers and as much as I grasp to hold on to it and to breath in the moment, something new and exciting and different happens that takes my breath away. My lovely Zachary is a small big boy who longs to rush forward and Caleb is my sweet little guy with soft eyes and an incredible smile who hums his way through life and rushes into arms for happiness.















Boys.

family.

New things. Caleb is cutting tooth number (drumroll please) 11. Yup, he's got all 8 front teeth, the starts of 2 molars and a big nasty blister on molar number 3. This of course means he hasn't slept well all month. He keeps waking up at odd hours and stays awake for a few hours. His naps are all over the place too. But I'm hopeful that by the time he's 1, he'll have all his teeth and sleep all night long while all the folks with babes who started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks will have waking kids with molars coming in. evil, I know, but then I'm kinda tired.

Caleb started crawling on all fours today. He's still cruising with his speedy army crawl, but today he decided that upright is kinda cool. I'm happy too because I'm kinda tired of his onsies acting like swiffers and I've been wondering if I'm going to have to rebuy all the clothing for friend that I've borrowed or invest in stock with Oxiclean. He's so cute cruising around and sitting up and pulling up. I have been trying to figure out how to stop him from growing more. I really like this sweet cute age and don't want to leave it. I also discovered that Caleb is our athletic ball thrower. I handed him a small ball and he'd chunk it across the room. again. and. again. Totally terrific and he was absolutely delighted to keep at it.

Zachary had his 4 year old checkup Monday. The brave guy got four vaccinations and did terrific. He exclaimed with an ouch each time and afterwards got tearyeyed and whimpered that his legs were burning. We let him choose dinner and we ended up at Mandolas for the requested meatballs. A shortbread cookie fixed all his ailments. A latte and a potroast sandwich fixed mine. Caleb consumed about half of my postroast plus some smooshed baby food.

The Grands

We decided the Griffin household was long overdue for a trip to Houston to visit family. We packed up the whole family, strapped them in their carseats and headed east to Houston on a Friday morning. Zachary was overjoyed to be going to see Nana and Papa and excited to get to stay there for an evening. My sister, her husband and our 6 year old nephew came over on Saturday and Ian and Zachary played and played and played. The boys broke out every board game my parents had and Ian taught Zachary how to play Monopoly. They dug into Nana's art supplies and cut and taped and colored and painted. They ate cake and tiny Ben and Jerry's ice creams Nana smilingly brought them. They drank chocolate milk. They ran wild. Caleb watched it all from the sidelines and tried his darnedest to join in. Caleb also got to take off and crawl up his first set of stairs. Zachary learned his dear dog friend, Pascal, had died and Ian showed him again and again where in the yard he was buried. Grandma Betty came over for a few hours and played games with Zachary and tried to keep up with the fun. Mom and Dad took us out to eat at a great South American restaurant and the boys enjoyed themselves. Zachary inhaled my shrimp and Dad's calamari and Caleb chomped on Greg's redfish (which he then threw up on my back in bed later that night. oh the joys of cosleeping. Probably shouldn't have given him fish). We walked over to a bakery and got Zachary dessert and later broke out the telescope to check out the moon. We left late that night and drove home to Austin, tired but happy.

We spent some quiet time together. I tried to do a lot of talking with my parents. Dad has prostate cancer and is scared and mad and everything all jumbled up together. His surgery is scheduled for mid July and they are worried, rightly so. We are too. We are praying that everything goes smoothly and that we can all be strong, no matter the outcome.

Dragonfly

On our walk home from the pool Thursday, we found this lovely dragonfly on the sidewalk. The dragonfly became Zachary's new buddy and since it was injured, it came home with us to "recoperate" till dinnertime in the bug house. The dragonfly became his new best buddy. I found Zachary letting it take a ride on a toy car. He defoliated a sage plant to give the dragonfly something to eat and it spent much of the day hanging out on Zachary's hand. And Zachary was as sweet as ever with his new friend and when we went to let him go before dinner, his eyes welled up with tears and he reluctanly tapped on his friends wings to make him walk and encouraged him to eat some spinach plants in the yard before flying home to the lake to its dragonfly family.

silliness

Goodness. Simplicity. Summer frolicking in the Texas sun. Water splashing. Freckles popping. Sunbleached hair.... summer has arrived.

I have been enjoying it so far and surviving parenting two kids with no nursery school. Next week Zachary will be back in school for some of the summer 3 days a week, so things will be a little quieter and easier. He'll also be happy to be back to seeing friends and playing with them. He is missing them terribly and asks me every morning at breakfast which day of the week it is and if he's going to school today.

Caleb is beginning to sport quite a baby tan. I truly lather him up at least once a day in sun screen, twice if we hit the pool or go outside in the afternoon again. He loves being outside, especially if it involves water or swimming or Zachary. The last two weeks he has been crazy sitting up by himself and standing up and cruising baby. He wants to stand all. day. long. He is learning to navigate his sweet little chunky thighs and cruise around the ottoman. He gets stuck at the corners and yells and yells until someone helps him.

Funny stuff. Tonite Zachary announces to us at the table from the bathroom, where he likes to spend dinner half time, that he wants to invent a super smellinator that would suck up all the poopy smells from his bottom when he was using the toilet. Greg tried to not spit his couscous out of his nose on that one. He's also been into telling jokes a lot lately. Most are stolen from Sid the Science Kid, but I don't care. They are cute cute and very funny. They go something like "What does a duck say when you pick it up on a lever? It quacks up!".... he also can deliver a joke, something his mama has never mastered well.

Sweet stuff. Caleb sticking his little whittle tongue out slightly when he smiles. Zachary pretending to be a kitty cat who wants to sleep curled up in your lap and to be pet behind his ears.

Fun stuff. I went to my first birth last week. It was amazing and reaffirming. I got to be part of a baby being born and help a new family for a few hours. It was amazing but not as amazing as my own kids births. I felt honored to share in the experience but enjoyed being there to help and to lend support more. I liked feeling like I was at work and loved driving home at 2:30 am knowing what I'd just done. I liked being part of the midwife energy and loved coming home and reading through my texts to find out exactly what was done and why. I liked Greg accusing me of spending hours on facebook the next day when actually I was reading about the useage of cytotec in a hemmorage.

On the horizon. Art Day in the Park, lots more sprinkler parks, farm trips, swimming, soccer on Saturdays, bagel making, baby cruising, house painting, craft making. Hopefully a little canoeing, friend visiting, family time and lots and lots of smiles and laughs.

Zachary.

Birthday. 30 minutes old.















A few hours old....





















1 year old..

2 years old.

















3 years old.

4 years old.

(better photo of Zachary without show stealing brother to come)....

May

I'm happy to announce that being almost 4 years old has brought me my child back again. Zachary is again a happy, likeable and sweet child. No longer are the screaming, hitting, biting crazy maniac sessions all. day. long. His teachers at school look forward to him coming. He gets along with the other kids. He sings and dances. I am in love again with him. I am thankful to have made it through the 3's. I will not look back at the time fondly but as more of a wistful memory.

Now that he is a delight again, he's been dancing and singing and creating. He's big into doing the robot dance. Seriously funny. He also adds in this whole hand rolling thing. His big physical movements have taken off too - he's climbing and jumping and hanging from everything and trying hard to act like one of the big guys. He's curious about those big boys too. He wants to know what is going on with Star Wars, guns and wrestling. He wants to be older than us and tells me he's 35 years old.

Now to Caleb. He's crawling everywhere. Perfect army crawl. He occasionally toys with pulling up and standing, but seems perfectly content with sitting and crawling around. He's got 8 teeth now and is still drooling fool. He's got his own swamp cooler system for the summer, aka wet shirt. He adores his big brother, has learned to clap when people say "yea" and wakes up at 3 am next to me clapping after he nurses. His smile lights a room and people call him a cherub. Or at least the lady in the elevator today called him that when he busted out that smile. He's one seriously happy kid.

Family stuff. We're still enjoying our neighborhood. A lot. I love that we head outside and see faces we know, friends playing, people enjoying each others company. We play in the alley with the other kids, riding cars and bikes and playing soccer. We walk to 3 fabulous parks in just a few minutes. Enjoy flowers in the greenway. Swimming at the pool is a new favorite as well. I'm looking forward to getting some time and deciding some paint colors for the walls and finishing hanging up things. We've been slowly adding to the flower beds outside and I'm sticking my vegetables in amongst the flowers and herbs. We built a rock box for the boys and two benches on the front porch.

I have been busy the past few weeks trying to tie down my education plans for the next year. At this point, I am planning on enrolling in midwifery school this summer and will take my first workshop in October. If I follow the schedule, I'll be done by December 2011. Somewhere in there I have to do an apprenticeship as well. I've been looking and asking around and found some hesitancy and resistance but hope to remedy that in time. It's hard being new to this field and basically having no experience other than my own births, my interest and my willingness and dedication. My midwife has apprentices for the next few years but has been gracious enough the past week to include me in a prenatal and make recommendations and referrals. I am also currently on call for a birth. I'm excited and trying to wait patiently for the mama to go into labor. But that's challenging to do when the support network for helping with the kids isn't in place yet and you have a 9 month old who doesn't really like the bottle. I'm hoping that being there at someone elses homebirth will help me decide if I am really ready to take the plunge and change career paths.

Easter

Confetti eggs. Friends. Terrific food. Overcast morning with light rain. Labyrinths egg hunts. Warm cake and deviled eggs. Confetti found on pillows later the next morning.
























Oh. And Zachary might have some competition with his dear girl friend if you take Caleb's smile into account.

Things that make me giddy

I have said it before, but I'll say it again. Clean laundry taken down from the clothesline, crisp and white from the sun and fresh air, make me happy. I don't have a clothesline at the moment, but outdoor chairs and fence sufficed. My napkins are sun bleached white again and crisp. Diapers are currently staged in the yard for maximum sun and replacment clotheslines have been googled and oogled from the kitchen table while watching the laundry out the window.

Other happiness inspirations. Caleb grins. So. so.sweet. And the sweet words that flow from Zachary when his cup is filled, emotionally and physically and the "I love you's" flow freely. I adore the "have you met my brother, Caleb?" and him introducing and reintroducing him to everyone and him eating swiss chard from the plant (however never from his plate).

And my personal grins that make me smile and giggle. Like Joyce introducing me to her neighbor as "this is Kate. She's studying to be a midwife" paired with Greg telling me his coworkers response to my newest career calling, "Oh, that'll be great because she'll be a midwife about the same time we're thinking of having our next kid!"... Now I'm not an official student yet, but serious giddiness. I am amazed how excited I am and I hope that it keeps up as I move forward.....

But for now, back to that laundry in the sun.

Month in review

What have we been up to this month. We have been enjoying the warm spring days. The rockin' pool here at Mueller opened and we've frozen our tushes off a few times. Greg and I have tried to swim a few laps as well. We've walked our trails, enjoyed the wildflowers, built two benches on our porch, I uprooted plants, put down new ones and am putting vegetables in the front yard.

There has been bike riding, Caleb busted out tooth number 7 and 8 last week. On Easter morning he started crawling. Watch out!

We celebrated Easter with friends; an egg hunt on the greenway, a friends house for brunch, visiting Greg's Aunt in Austin.

Happy Spring.

sons

I have two sons. That means there are three boys who live in my house. sBecause I have suddenly become outnumbered when it comes to gender, I've been spending some time thinking about what this means. First, I think it takes a special kinda woman to be a mama to boys, especially more than one boy. And after watching my sweet big boy run around the house with his favorite small boy friend, I remembered how we mama's of two boys deserve a special place in heaven (or wherever you want to go). Really Joyce, we do.

I also am amazed at how you can spend the day filling the cup of an almost 4 year old boy and how at the end of the day it can all spill out. everywhere. all over. I spend my day helping create wonderful moments and then feel like it all crashes down so suddenly. I want to take it all personal. It stings to have such a small person who I love so immensely yelling and using his voice to tell me to go away, refuse kisses, and strike out. I want to hold a grudge and get mad back and do my share of verbal backlash. But then, I'm the grownup. I'm the mommy. I stand there, take it, redirect it, reflect it and then kiss the salty tears from his small face when he stops and comes to me with his arms stretched out looking for my love.

I can't take it personally. He's only almost 4. At least I got a chance to have a good time with him. that's what I'll keep telling myself as I create fun filled days full of childhood memories.

It's 10 pm and

whose children are still awake. criminy.

Caleb is about to finally sleep. Big kid is doing the cry, fuss, and leave his room repeatedly routine. This wakes up the baby. Then Greg and I start over.

This is what I get for letting him nap this afternoon. but we had such a pleasant time together after school playing at the Nature Center. He and Caleb fell asleep in the car and having two sleeping children was just luscious and I couldn't resist. I sat in the rocking chair with Caleb in my arms and Zach on the couch and watched Oprah. Decadent. I didn't read any midwifery texts or cooking websites or tidy the house. I just just watched one hour of Oprah.

Now I'm paying for it. Should be a fun day tomorrow. However, thank you dear husband for taking such an active role tonight. Sorry we didn't get to talk. sigh.

February Funk

February kinda sucked over here at Casa Griffin. I started the month with high hopes of finishing moving in - organizing closets and the pantry, painting the boys room, some crafty sewing projects, reading new books, getting back into jogging and yoga. Instead we start the month with a phone call from school, telling me Zachary has a 101 fever and isn't eating. I hightail it from Costco and head to the school and pick him up. My sweet little boy is curled up on a beanbag in a room, covered by his teachers coat. He sees me and begins sobbing, asking why I wasn't there earlier. I end up carrying him and Caleb and all his school stuff to the car. I take him home, put him to bed with a dose of Ibuprofen and put Caleb in another room. I then spend the rest of the day moving between rooms of the house taking care of small little boys. Zachary gets better but has then developed a crazy cough and a constant runny nose.

The next week on Monday I begin to get the chills and body aches. I beg Greg to try and skip his meeting. He comes home with hot and sour soup and I go to bed early. Tuesday I feel better and go for a walk with a friend on the lake with our babes while our big boys are at school. Late Tuesday night I begin to feel really worn out. I wake up overnight in a cold sweat and my body aches. Caleb's nursing puts me into a painful whirlwind and I shiver uncontrollably. Caleb can't stay latched on and cries and I struggle to help him and to keep every portion of my body covered so I don't succomb to the cold. I wake up Greg in the wee hours and beg him to get me water and Advil. Coughs ravage my body. I cough and I wake up Caleb. I wake up Greg. By morning, I'm a mess and Greg stays home. I vacillate between shivering uncontrollably and aching in pain. Greg makes me an appointment at the afterhours clinic and that evening I'm told I have Influenza A. I'm advised by the asshole doctor who treated me like I was an inconvienece to stop nursing Caleb so my breastmilk doesn't give him the flu and to take Vicodine for the body aches. Jerk. I leave and doube dose myself on Advil and alternate Tylenol. My fever of 103 lasts 2 days. Greg puts the boys to bed and heads to the store and sweetly buys me multiple boxes of tissue, nasal strips, ice cream cones and red gerbera daisies, an early Valentine's gift. Come the weekend, nobody else is sick and on Saturday I feel a little bit better but completely exhausted. I sleep most of the weekend. Sunday we leave the house and watch the Marathon and go to the Children's Museum. Monday I finally head out of the house for the first time by myself. Tuesday, Caleb gets sick. I then realize how hard it is to care for 2 children when 1 is sick. Poor sweet Caleb just wants to sleep on me and nurse all day and instead I'm trying to also take care of the preschooler and somewhere in the day remember to eat and drink for myself.

By the weeks end, I end up skipping dinner club and a ladies night out. I finally get to see baby Asher again, this time not sick and help Rebecca out with the new little one. On the 22nd, Caleb and I go to the Capitol for the midwife visiting day with the state representatives, which was invigorating and thrilling. I get a chance to finally talk to Julia after playing phone and email tag over 2 months. I get to talk midwifery with representatives aids. I come home from the day invigorated and then spend too many late nights up talking to Greg about my newest plans, about the things that excite me and career changes. Caleb then begins to get 2 new teeth and I get a night of no sleep between hourly wakings and nursing. I'm then a grouch and realize later in the day the poor little guy has the newest teeth. A few days later another tooth comes in. Tonite I spotted a 4th, number six overall.

In between everyone being sick. I make two quiches and two lasagna and feed my friends and neighbors who had new babies. I take a few great walks with lovely friends. I have coffee with ladies. I meet Joyce at the cafe halfway between our houses for a late night beer and evening stroll. Caleb starts to push up and attempt his version of a crawl. Zachary rides his bike every evening, introducing himself to new neighbors, telling them how babies grow in Mommy's belly's and stay in there a long time and then the midwives come to your house and the baby is born. Neighbors chuckle. We watch the moon wan and wax and a planet move around the sky. The February winds whip around us and the earth dries out. I get to talk to a friend hours before she goes into labor and then get the privilege of helping care for them as they grow as a family. A dear friend gets engaged. Greg has five evening meetings and I solo parent and learn to get the big kid in bed shortly after 7 pm. We do some gardening and play at the park. I drive very little and make a meal plan for 3 weeks in a row and keep myself from eating out and buying coffees. Zachary and I go after school on Fridays and get a hot chocolate. He tells me he loves Caleb and wants to keep him forever. Later he asks if Caleb could go back in my belly. I make Greg a lunch for work and schedule Caleb's baptism. I get bored of being a full time stay at home mom and then enjoy being here for my kids. I fantasize about learning and moving on and possibilities. I keep Greg up too many nights talking about those fantasies. I cough uncontrollably and am amazed at the color of the junk coming out of my chest. I don't blog and barely email friends but do paint a lot of pictures, read library books, nurse a teething baby and go for a lot of walks. I facilitate tantrums, kiss scraped knees, make a baby laugh, kiss my husband, create Valentine's cards for school, worry about loved ones, get lonely, and feel loved and cared for.

February was funky.

6 months

Today is Caleb's 6 month birthday. Seems so old to me and I can't believe how quickly time flies with the second child. Caleb is rolling, trying to sit up and wanting to crawl and run after Zachary. Zachary is his favorite person and daddy second. He is the worlds biggest smiler and will work a room to get a grin. His eyes are starting to turn brown and I'm thinking he might also inherit his brothers long lashes. He still loves to hold my hand when nursing and strokes my side, which melts my heart every time. He also has outgrown all of the clothing that Zachary was wearing up to 9 months and is our pudgy baby.

Happy birthday Caleb.

Hello.Are you out there?

Does anyone actually read this? I know of maybe 4 people. I'm thinking of going password protected so if you want to keep checking out my mindless rambling, let me know. I want to post some personal stuff on here - like I've told the few of you who read this, it started as an attempt to journal again when I found that the journal wasn't always readily available. So be forewarned.

kate

Birth of Caleb Micah Griffin

Caleb Micah Griffin was due on August 25th but arrived four days early. Since I had spent the last month of my pregnancy persuading the little guy that he could not come until Julia Bower, our midwife was back, I was not really anxious for him to come early and did not expect him before his due date. Greg and I figured that he'd come after the weekend, maybe Sunday or Monday. I also wanted to have my 39 week appointment with Julia on Friday to discuss a few topics.

We went to bed late Wednesday. We had a few household projects that kept us up late, like shelving in the laundry room that fell down that afternoon and Zachary spraying bug spray all over the carpet and me steam cleaning the carpets at 9 pm. I finally settled into sleep after midnight and at that point, decided that I was now ready to have the baby and he could come when he was ready. Overnight, I woke up a few times with crazy contractions but figured they were the same belly distorting Braxton-Hicks contractions I'd been having the past few months. But I wonder in those early hours if these were different and reminded myself of Julia's instructions to go back to sleep if in early labor. So I settled myself and fell back asleep.

Greg woke up with Zachary in the 6-o-clock hour and took him downstairs to eat breakfast and to let me have another hour and half of sleep before leaving for work. I woke up before 7 am with another huge contraction and decided that I'd better get up and use the bathroom before I had an accident in bed. Getting up from bed brought on another contraction and I went to the toilet. Sitting on the toilet trying to pee, another contraction started and I began to consider to myself if these were different from Braxtons-Hicks or not. This last contraction was so big I felt it strongly in my back and the tightness wrapped around to my belly and the huge contracting portion of my uterus. I wondered if I should go downstairs and ask Greg to delay going into work just in case I was really in labor, but then wondered how many times I might think I was in labor before really being there. I got up and went to the sink and brushed my teeth and started to walk into the bedroom and felt a small amount of wetness drip down my leg. I hopped back into the bathroom onto the hard floor from the carpeted bedroom. Just in case, I thought, if this is my water breaking. Then another small gush and looking down at the floor, a small puddle of water accumulated. I smiled, knowing that my water had broke and that Greg was still home and we were in labor. I grabbed a towel and stuck it between my legs and called to Greg downstairs. He was outside eating with Zachary so he didn't hear me. I threw on my favorite green maternity dress and headed downstairs. I walked outside the screen door to the patio and Greg greeted me with surprise that I was up so early, since it was only 7 am and I normally slept a little later. I told him that I was having some big contractions and that my water had broke and I flashed him my lovely towel and watch his face light up. He asked if I was certain and I moved onto the flagstone, removed the towel and promptly leaked a little. He got excited and we told Zachary we were going to have the baby. It was so strange to stand there, outside in the morning, leaking amniotic fluid onto the patio, but yet so normal. Greg promptly asked me what I wanted for breakfast, since I needed to start eating to keep my energy up. I asked for a bowl of oatmeal with peaches, brown sugar and cream and some coffee. I sat down in the Adirondack chair but it made my knees go higher than my hips and I didn't want the babe to flip to posterior again, so I sat in a different chair. I ate my oatmeal while Greg looked over the instructions from Julia on when to call. She and I had agreed that I'd call when I went first went into labor since I had such a fast labor with Zachary. But since my contractions were still a bit erratic, varying from 4 minutes to 7 minutes, we decided to wait till 8 am, when her instructions asked us to call. At 7:30 I decided to call Rebecca and Peter before they headed off to work to let them know that we'd need Zachary care for the day and I'd need my doula friend at some point. We told them we'd let them know when to head over and they agreed to come by after Peter finished a project at the office and Rebecca took their dog to the vet for an early morning appointment. I then had Greg call our neighbor to also let her know that my water had broke just in case we needed her to watch Zachary. Bella also then emailed my Blessingway friends to light a candle because baby was coming.

At 8 am, I called Julia. She answered the phone, with a bit of giddiness in her voice and I jokingly asked her if it would be okay if I had a baby today and if she'd mind helping us. We talked briefly and she asked me if I was on all fours, which I wasn't and she asked why - I was having breakfast outside with the family and having fun and all - and she promptly told me to go and get on my birth ball on all four so babe stayed anterior and that she would go shower and get her stuff together and be over shortly. I went inside and laid another clean towel underneath me and got on the ball and started moving my hips and doing the cat/cow pelvic rocks that Julia had reminded me to do. Greg straightened up the house and was buzzing around getting things together, calling the office to tell them he would not be coming into work today, writing down the start and stop times on contractions, all while I hung out on the ball in the living room. I then decided that I needed to take a shower and I went upstairs and tried to shower on all 4 on the ball in the shower. That didn't work, so the ball got shoved out of the shower enclosure and I took a quick shower and decided to dry my hair. Of course, the hair dryer was broken and I debated letting it air dry. By now, the family was gathered in the bedroom, Zachary watching morning PBS, me on my ball at the foot of the bed with the laptop set up on the bench typing away emails, letting friends know I wouldn't be at the swimming playgroup today and asking my mom's group to light a candle. I then decided I really did want a hair dryer and I instant messaged my neighbor Lori and asked if she'd be going for a morning walk and if so, could she drop by with a hair dryer. She of course jumped at the chance to see me laboring and showed up shortly thereafter with a dryer and the kids in the jog stroller. I chatted with her on the porch and had a few contractions, all this before 9 am. I completely enjoyed being in labor in the early morning sunlight on my front porch in a floppy dress knowing that, yes, today I would have a baby and I would do it in this house and that my neighbors were dropping by to check on me and wish me well. Crazy. I went inside, dried my hair and made my way back downstairs to the ball and got on my hands and knees again. Greg asked if I wanted food and I asked for the cut up fruit. He grimaced, because he didn't realize I'd been keeping the fridge stocked with fruit and muffins for snacking on in labor, just in case, and he'd eaten it all. I laughed and then tried to get Zachary to make some muffins with him. I had this strong want to make food, kinda like all the laboring moms in various books who make a birthday cake while in labor. But we could not get Zachary interested and instead Greg got me a hard boiled egg and the Kanteen filled with orange Recharge. About that time, the contractions started feeling less like erratic uterus, Braxtons and started feeling like real contractions. They had moved to my low belly, like strong period cramps and sometimes pulled into my back. I was excited to feel real contractions, since with Zachary most of my labor was back labor. I remarked on how easy these contractions felt and that they were not hurting or painful, just unpleasant. Occasionally I had to stop talking to Greg and concentrate on the contraction, but usually only the peak of a contraction required me to stop and breath through the unpleasant sensation. Sometime in here, I had Greg call Rebecca and tell her to come over sooner than later since when we talked earlier I was not really in labor and now the contractions were 4 to 5 minutes apart. She let us know that she'd be on her way, but that Peter was stuck at the office for another hour or so.

Around 9:30 am, Julia arrived. She brought bag upon bag of birthing supplies and put them in the kitchen. I remember admiring the various bags that she had her equipment in and laughed that even in labor, I still have a bag fetish.

She came over, gave me a hug and started taking out equipment while checking on me. She took my blood pressure and pulse and got the fetal doppler out and checked the baby. She asked about contractions and then made herself comfortable in the living room. We chatted about plans and the morning and she used the doppler on my belly during a few contractions, listening to the baby. Zachary meandered in and out of the room, talking to Julia and wanting to play with her equipment, telling Julia that "your friend GB has that at her office too." Julia let Zachary know that GB would be joining us soon too and we talked to him about baby brother coming today. Zachary brought the orange race car he'd borrowed from Julia's office into the room and played with it with us. He of course danced and chatted up a storm, making us all laugh.

Rebecca came over after 10 am and Zachary was excited to see his friend. Greg then decided to give us a little time alone and to get some groceries and snack food and he took Zachary to the store. Rebecca settled into the armchair and Julia sat on the floor across from me. The 3 of us talked about birthing, gardening, Barbara Kingsolver's book "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle", about giant basil plants and pesto making. We had this great conversation while I hung out on my ball, rocking my hips and having contractions. Rebecca, 16 weeks pregnant, asked about the contractions and how they felt and if I was having any. Sweet Julia replied that, yes I was, and that I was just making them look easy and by gracefully disguising them while talking. I was having them, but the conversation was making them so easy that I'd just breath through the tough peaks of them or take a quiet moment in my conversation and close my eyes and send my breath into the painful portions, like in yoga practice where you breath into the tight spots to relieve the soreness. By this time, the contractions were somewhere around 3 to 4 minutes apart. Julia could tell by my conversation when a contraction was starting and when it peaked and acknowledged it with small looks while we talked. The contractions started to get closer and more intense and I could no longer chat with them through them. I had to stop talking, close my eyes and breathe through them. My breath was not silent and I moaned with each contraction. The vocalized breath resonated through me and helped me remove my concentration from the pain and instead listen to the sound. I was creating a quiet place inside my head to clear away the pain of each and to acknowledge each of them but to move through them easily. I commented to Julia that they were different than with Zachary and that I was enjoying feeling them. They were similar to really bad menstrual cramps with a little added kick. I was feeling them in my back, not in a back labor way, but as a pressure and slight pain.

Julia headed upstairs to start setting up the bed and the room. At one point she called downstairs to me and asked which side of the bed did I want to be on. What?! I thought, which side? What service. I replied I didn't care, I slept on both and she suggested the right side, since it was closer to the dresser and away from the windows.

Greg and Zachary came back from the store with fruit and baked goods. I suggested he go upstairs and help Julia with the room and finding the birth kit. Zachary was all excited that the house was filling up with his friends and Rebecca took over Zachary care, playing with him upstairs in the playroom, giving Greg, me and Julia some quiet time together. I asked Greg to get the ipod so that I could listen to my birth music that I'd compiled into a playlist. He plugged it into the receiver and I fumbled with it between contractions trying to put it on shuffle and than asked Greg to do it. He and Julia started talking about ipods and her ipod shuffle and how she could hook it up to her computer to listen to it. The only time I got annoyed by the two of them was this point, which cracks me up. Greg had the door to the cabinet where the receiver was open, which was poking me a bit in my right side. Julia was looking over me to the ipod as Greg showed her how to hook it up and I was having a few contractions and nobody was paying attention to me. I snapped at them "could we talk about this later" and the two of them jumped to action and began to take care of me. Silly people. I got to listen to my music and sway to it through the surges on my ball and relish that with this birth, I truly would get the chance to use my music.

My contractions had begun to pick up and were coming more frequently and with more intensity. I began to vocalize through them with low moans that flowed with my breath. I focused on putting my breath into the tightness and relax with each one. I swayed side to side on the ball. Julia sat in the room with me, this silent figure that watched each surge with knowledgeable and comforting eyes. Every now and then the surges would get bigger and my moans would grown in intensity and get louder. I was amazed that Zachary was walking around the downstairs watching and barely noticing his half naked mother singing her birth song on a big bouncy ball in the living room. Rebecca took over watching Zachary so Greg could be nearby. Zachary sat at the kitchen table and enjoyed a chocolate covered doughnut and talked to Rebecca about picking Peter up from work. Greg busied himself with airing up the birth pool in the kitchen. I just kept doing what I was doing, enjoying myself and my body doing it's work of birthing a baby. Then things began to pick up and I felt myself have to give into the next few contractions. They started fast and hard and quickly moved to the next one and were intense in my back. Not back labor painful like with Zachary's labor, but still painful. Julia reminded me that I could move between contractions and I didn't have to stay on all fours. I tried to sit up but it made my back ache and I found that being on all fours helped. Julia asked if they were getting stronger and asked if she could check my cervix. We headed upstairs and man alive, I barely made it upstairs before the next one. Julia had transformed the bedroom into this wonderful peaceful birthing room. The bed was stripped of the linens and made up with the other bedding. Pillows had different cases on them and were stacked up at the back. We talked about what I wanted with Zachary and if I wanted him present for the delivery or to come back afterward. I decided that when it got hard, I wanted Zachary out of the house because I was afraid he might get worried when I got really loud but that I did want him there when the baby was born.

Julia checked me and I was 4 centimeters. This was the first time she'd done an internal exam since I was 34 weeks along and I really appreciated not having those numbers known along the way. Julia decided now would be a good time for me to get into the pool so that we could slow down the contractions and take some of the pressure off of my back. We headed back downstairs and Julia told Greg to go ahead and fill up the pool. She commented that I had probably at least 2 hours left, saying that I'd probably progress 1 cm an hour if not quicker. Greg started filling the pool and Julia called GB to tell her how things were coming along. Then things started picking up. Quickly. I got slammed with a really intense contraction that grabbed my breath. It startled me to feel such intensity so quickly. Julia came to my side and leaned my head against her leg and tucked her hand under my chin. She held me this way through several more contractions and the strength that I found from her touch comforted me and helped me regain focus and control. When the surges began to gain in pain in my back, she laid her hands on my back and applied counter pressure. But just like with labor with Zachary, the pressure shot pain down my back. Instead of the pressure, she then just laid her hand on the spot on my back and her hand was like an ice pack and helped cool the spot and helped me focus my breath on that point. I found myself getting louder and really moving and loudly moaning the deep, throaty moans of intense labor. I asked for Zachary to be taken to lunch with Rebecca. I also wanted to not scare poor Rebecca, 16 weeks pregnant herself, out of natural childbirth, since I knew things were about to get really loud! I guess at this point Rebecca asked how long and Greg told her 4 to 6 hours. Greg hustled them outside and later I learned, that yes, you could hear me outside, which was one of my original fears about homebirth - silly one yes!

Shortly afterwards I felt a contraction that made my stomach curl under and over my uterus. I let out a panicky cry and another one quickly followed. Greg had just come back in the house and was going back to his task of manning the birth tub filling. Julia looked over at me as I had another curling over contraction and I knew then that the pushy feeling of those contractions were signaling that I was in transition. Julia picked up her phone again and called GB and I heard her describing the neighborhood and where to stop and then the front door opens and sunlight streams in and GB walks in. I get another curling over-pushy contraction as she walks in. She stops, looks at me and then Julia and asks how long I've been doing that. I say hello and that I'm happy she made it just in time and her and Julia begin calmly busying themselves getting the bags together. GB asks if I'm having this baby downstairs or in the bedroom upstairs. I cordially and amenably reply "wherever" not really wanting to head upstairs but also not wanting them to have to move everything. The midwives answer me that I should head upstairs and they begin floating around the house moving bags and equipment upstairs. During this time I have several of my toughest contractions and everyone is busy getting ready and nobody was by my side. I kinda freak out and get through them and am amazed how hard they are and how much easier the surges were with Julia next to me looking in my eyes or standing next to me. Greg comes to me and moves the sweaty hair from my eyes and holds me. Julia comes back downstairs and says I need to go up. They help me up and I have a whopper of a contraction at the bottom of the stairs. I say something about just having the baby on the stairs. They pick me back up and we go up. I get slammed again at the landing and hang onto the window ledge for support. Julia says to me to go. NOW. before the next one. I race myself up the stairs and land on the bed at an angle as the next contraction races through my body. I struggle to get myself up onto my hands and knees, the only way I feel comfortable. Julia and GB are digging through their bags getting supplies out. Fetal doppler, charts, oxygen tank, Chux pads, gloves. GB is using my orange African woven basket as a staging spot for all the things necessary for the baby - bulb syringe, cord clamps, baby hat. I love that the items from my life are incorporated into my labor.

Julia and GB gather behind me. GB uses the doppler to get the babes heart rate. I begin to get all super pushy and my belly turns over on top of my uterus and I shudder as the involuntary urge to push races through my body. My literal brain then begins to tell my birthing body that, no, it is not time for me to push. Julia just checked you and you were 4 cm. That was less than 30 minutes ago. The birth pool is only three quarters full and you've got hours left. No way. So I start to resist pushing, which makes me sing this high pitched moan that only occurs when you are resisting the pain and pushing it away as your body does what it is supposed to do. A few more of these whiney screams escape my body. I feel the baby heading down inside of me and begin to realize, that yes, I really am pushing. My birthing brain begins to register that things are really about to happen and that I really am about to have this baby. Everything is ready. Julia begins to apply steaming hot warm compresses against my perineum. The heat is excrutiating and incredible all at the same time. She presses them firmly against my bulging bottom and I'm told to go ahead and push. I question her once or twice and then realize that I can push. I ask GB if I can really push, even though I feel my baby's head. GB then shouts to Greg that the baby is crowning and to get up here. Poor Greg was trying to use the bathroom and suddenly women are shouting at him, including me who know realizes that yes, that is the babes head. He races back in. GB says something about the baby's heart rate being low and having trouble with it. Julia takes the doppler and they both start searching around my belly as I push looking for the heart tones. Things begin to take a more serious tone and I'm told to push as I have the next contraction. I'm still doing this scream moan at this point and granted it has been less than 10 minutes that I've been upstairs and barely 30 minutes since I was four centimeters. Julia tells me to stop letting my voice escape through my top and to focus my escaping breath to my bottom. I instantly know what she means and realize that my scream was from my fear of pushing too early and become aware of how important it is for me to really focus on pushing, that the babes heart rate is low and I need to get him out now. With the next contraction, I instantly change my mindset and send all my power into my pelvic floor and push the baby. The power that I was using to push was immense and incredible and the hardest work I have ever done. The midwives put oxygen on me and have me lay on my side to push. They have Greg grab my right leg and I try to push that way. The pain in my back in excrutiating and the babes tones don't improve with this new position. They swiftly flip me back onto all fours. Julia has Greg apply the hot compresses on my perineum. She tells me that there is a lip of cervix left and she tries to move it out of the way, which causes some discomfort. I feel the babe there but realize that I really feel like I need 5 or 10 more minutes to bring the baby down and to stretch everything well. I am pushing and sending every ounce of myself into each push and I think inbetween contractions that I just don't know where I can get any more strength, that I just need more time. Julia then tells me that she'd like to cut a small episiotomy. She almost whispers it to me in such an apologitic tone and tells me she is sorry but that we need to do this to help me get the baby out on the next push. I tell her to do whatever she needs, firmly trusting her and knowing that this will be the 2nd one she's ever cut and that she'd only do it if she felt it necessary. She digs out the scissors from the bottom of the bag and her and GB decide if they are the right ones, which totally makes me laugh that they weren't initally sure and makes me trust their decision even more. I feel Julia begin to cut this tiny incision. So tiny if feels like a papercut. GB says something about that not being an epis, and that she needs to cut more. She has me push with the next contraction and then she apologizes again and says she needs to cut more. Still, it feels so small and tiny and like a small sting that I barely notice. But then my body begins to push down on itself and I go back to work. GB puts her face next to mine and tells me that this needs to be the push. With this push I need to get the baby out. I bare down with everything and pray that I have the power to get him out on this push so that he is safe. I feel his head come out. The feeling of his body being out of mine but still inside me was incredible. With the next push I feel his shoulders come out and his body slither out of mine as he enters the world. They untangle the cord from around his neck and pass him immediatly between my legs and lay him on blankets. I reach down and touch him, exclaiming still with an oxygen mask on my face. GB suctions him and Julia rubs him down and dries him and untangles the cord. They help me pick him up and wrap a blanket around him and put his little midwife cap on him. Caleb Micah Griffin is blue but crying out his birth song. I exclaim out loud the immensity of the whole situation, how quickly he came, that he is here on the outside and my disbelief that things came so fast. I have just given birth on my own terms to my baby. The power of the moment was overwhelming and incredible. The rite of passage that I had just undertaken was immense. I scoot back in the bed and hold my son while the miwives put pillows behind me. I breath in my child. I touch his vernix covered skin. My hands hold him tight against my chest as we get to know him.

I lean back on the pillows and put him to my breast and begin to nurse him. He was slow to latch and GB has me use my pinkie finger. He suckles that and then moves to latch on. I am still in this euphoric high of birth and the midwives clean up and stand aside, waiting for me to birth the placenta. The cord eventually stops pulsing and Greg cuts it. Eventually I begin to feel crampy and they have me push. The feeling is a big blurb as the placenta is delivered. GB catches it in the big metal salad bowl and takes it to the bathroom to inspect it. She comments on how it is the most beautiful placenta she's seen, which I'm sure she tells everyone. We lay it down and inspect it, the placenta where it attached to my uterus, the bag and the place where it broke. She turns it inside out and shows us the tree of life and the view that Caleb had from the inside.

Caleb nurses and we call Rebecca back and ask her to bring Zachary home. They'd just picked up Peter and were finished eating and about to play at the playground. It's barely been an hour since they'd left. Greg gets me fruit and a pastry and a glass of milk. We stare at the baby. Then he is weighed and measured on my bed. The tape that came with the birth kit breaks in half, so we laugh at our inabilities to do math as they try to take his measurements. Then Julia, Greg and GB try and decide an official time of birth and we settle on the middle time, based on GB's iphone's atomic clock time. Zachary comes home and is introduced to his brother. He is sweet and checks him out and then decides that the heating pad that is covering Caleb is more interesting. Greg takes him back downstairs and they hang out with GB. My birthing music is on the stereo and Caleb and I baske in the motherlove hormones. Julia steams herbs downstairs and draws me the most luxiourious bath. She takes Caleb and helps me into the tub and I immerse myself in the dark brown herb scented water. She sits against the bathroom cabinets and holds the baby and finally gets a quiet moment to check the little guy out. Then she brings him to me and lowers him slowly into the water and holds him between my legs. He relaxes into the water in this unbelieveably relaxed state and proceeds to fall asleep in the most peaceful way. He lays his hand back against the water and reminds me of some old man relaxing in the slow lapping ocean water. We wash him and rub the vernix into his skin. Maya joins us on the tub edge, checking out the baby and the water. Julia takes the baby, wraps him in a towel and finds a diaper and swaddles him. She helps me out of the bath, dries me off and helps me into clothing. We go downstairs and join the our friends. I eat more food and drink water. Julia checks Caleb and mines temperature and my blood pressure and leaves us with instructions to go over. We say good bye to her and then bid farewell to our birth attendents, Rebecca and Peter. We sit in the light as a family of four, taking in the craziness of the day. It is only 4 pm now. Julie drops by with a roasted chicken, veggies, a salad, flowers from her garden and champagne. We eat dinner together, looking at the newborn member of the family laying peacefully in his Moses basket.

The birth of Caleb happened over the space of one work day, starting just after Zachary and Greg's morning breakfast outside and ending shortly after lunch. By dinner, we had grown in our love as we sat together, watching Caleb sleep. I am so thankful for this amazing birth. For the respect and love shown to me by Julia and the support from GB. They were an amazing team and danced together so well to the choreography of my birth. Greg was strong and confident and supportive. He was able to stand back and allow Julia to take care of me and watch and enjoy the birth. I had such an incredible time and truly enjoyed myself. I would never choose to birth any other way. At home, with midwives was amazing. I truly enjoyed myself and wish I could do it again.

What a difference a year makes

1 year ago... things have changed so much. It is amazing to me to realize how many things began to change a year ago. 1 year and 4 days ago, I started tearing up and crying inside Rootin' Ridge with Rebecca when I saw a customer purchasing a rocking armadillo with a child's birth date on it. I looked over at Rebecca to see if she was crying as much as I was and realized she was just smiling at the sweetness instead of getting all weepy. Oh no, I thought, I'm pregnant. And then I said it to Rebecca, whose eyes looked like they might pop out. Then that evening I put down my glass of champagne at Dinner Club because I had this overwhelming realization that I might be pregnant, even if I still had a few days until I should have been worried. I came home and began to smell mysterious things around the house. I felt lightheaded. I was peeing more. So on my birthday, I drank a glass of wine, ate soft cheese and cold cuts and later that night as we were going to sleep, I woke Greg up and told him that I thought I was pregnant. The next morning, I sent him and Zachary out to the drugstore. In a few short minutes, the two pink lines popped up. And the emotions and feelings that washed over me that short moment of time were overwhelming.

But since that time, 1 year ago, we have grown as a family. Not only in numbers, but in identity in who we are as a family. I truly have left the early years of being a free to roam on my own behind me. We are bonded as a family unit and all decisions revolve around being this family. It isn't just that we think of the kids first, it is that Greg and I have grown into this role of family. Before children, we were 2 married people floundering through life, looking for a purpose. Sure we had freedom to play, to sleep late, to be selfish. But now, especially now that we are a family of four, we have purpose in being family.

Two children complete the family. We are done and are only moving forward in time. Never again will my children be this small, this young. I will never have babies in the house again. My babies are only getting older and more independent everyday. I embrace it but look at these small people with bittersweet nostalgia. I look forward to them growing up and establishing their friendship and learning who they are inside, but I will miss the smallness of them.

In 1 year I have also found a new purpose. A year ago I was applying for jobs and trying to decide what I'd do this fall for work. Then we find out I'm pregnant and I put those ideas on hold. Then I decide that it is time for me to let go of hoping to figure out what I'm doing for a career and to stop searching and expecting the answer to just happen. I close that door and realize a window has opened but that I'm not going to go look out. In this process, I open myself up to allowing new ideas to formulate without me consciously observing and controlling them. So when an "hallelujah" finally does hit, I'm so blown away by the impact it has on me that I realize that these crazy ideas might actually be the "it" I've been wanting.

So in 1 year, I've given up seeking to control portions of my life and give in to being a mom and then find new inspiration. Inspiration in the small child and the tiny baby. Inspiration in forming a family that enjoys the slow moments of life and grows together in respect and love. Inspiration for personal happieness and creative outlets. Inspiration to try new ideas out and to allow myself to grow in directions I never expected 1 year ago.

Thank you Caleb for being that motivation to me. I was blessed to be surprised by you.b

Thumbs

Caleb is officially a thumb sucker, although he still enjoys our pinkie finger. And now that he's cut a tooth and has a 2nd one coming in, he has occasionally bit his finger. Poor little guy.

Maya the cat....

To my sweet Maya. Thank you for twelve fabulous years. You have been with me since college and my friend since the day I met you on the third floor balcony of my summer apartment. Thank you for always sleeping next to me, for curling up on my lap, for your sweet hello mews. You were fabulous with my two sons and Zachary loved to call you and ask you to come to him. Thank you for being near me when I was laboring with Caleb and watching over him at night. I am sorry you got so sick and that we didn't know it sooner and that we couldn't do more for you. I love you and I miss you.

Week in review

In the past week lots has happened.

1. Obama. Obama. Obama! How amazing is it that my two children will grow up the next 8 years with Obama as president (hopeful aren't i?!)

2. We have a buyer for the house. Option period is almost up. Mortgage company has helped us find a way to deal with the low offer without making us suffer financially too much.

3. House inspection completed on Monday. Only problem found, kitchen sink sprayer not attached... of course, we're aware of that but haven't found the right part to retrofit the sink fixtures. Totally doable.

4. Our friends, Brad and Stephanie, and their kids visited over the weekend. We had fun getting to know their 8 month old and catching up. It was crazy but fun.

5. Zachary got a cold and slept 14 hours straight on Saturday.

6. We've scheduled both house closings for December 2nd and moving on December 3rd. Happy Birthday to Greg. Happy Thanksgiving to us - packing for Turkey Day weekend.

7. Zachary fell off the bench next to our bed Monday morning. He landed on his shoulder and was hurting. Ice applied and motrin given.

8. We had the house inspection Monday, which lasted 3 hours. I took sick kid with hurt shoulder and babe to grocery store. Afterwards we went to the playground, where Zachary fell down kicking a soccer ball - his foot rolled on the top and he landed flat on his back, with head touching the concrete first. Mama got to grab hurting 3 year old and new baby and walk to a neighbors for ice for his head.

9. Greg had Veterans Day off. We took Zachary to school and then were going to have a mini-date. The 15 minute drive took over an hour - Veteran's Day Parade on Congress sent all traffic onto 1st Street.

10. Zachary's should still hurt, so we called for an appointment for the afternoon. His teacher then called us at 11am saying he wasn't participating in activities or eating. We picked him up early.

11. 2pm trip to Doc's office ended with an x-ray. Zachary liked getting a picture of his bones. Turns out his collarbone has a small break in it. Luckily, no need to imobilize it, but I've been instructed to slow him down to keep him from falling on it again. Uuuuuh, how? No sedatives prescribed for him or me :)

12. This morning, mama has a rip-roaring cold, Caleb has pooped for the 10th time since yesterday morning and Zachary is watching TV. I'm not going to admit how much PBS he's seen so far. Oh, and we're out of coffee over here.

13. On Saturday, Caleb started laughing!

It's been a nutty week filled with highs and some lows. Happy to get the opportunity to move, sad that Zachary is hurt, sad to leave this house and our neighbors who I love love love. I think I'm going to call Greg and beg him to come home this afternoon early.....

Potty Talk Chronicles, # 3...

Today's potty talk not so funny. But helpful in a sort of scrub the entire bathroom sort of way. Zachary was doing his business in the bathroom. He had the door closed because he likes his privacy - understandable. I was busy nursing Caleb in the living room but kept a check on him via the noises from the bathroom, ranging from unrolling the entire roll of toilet paper to banging the toilet seat on the toilet tank. I heard a flush and then the water running. After a few minutes of running water, I decided it was time to try and lay Caleb down and intervene to stop the water bill from getting too high. I come in and Zachary has the toilet brush in the sink and is washing it off. And washing brown stuff down too. Yikes and Yuck. I freak out, causing my sweet 3 1/2 year old to start sobbing because I yelled at him and made him sad. I'm trying to explain why we don't scrub out the toilet full of poop and then wash it down the sink and to calm him all the while Caleb is in the other room getting hysterical because I yelled and woke him up.

Yea, mama lost it. Zachary was only trying to help. Caleb only wanted to sleep. And I only want to make the boys happy and instead I go a bit nuts. I think I'm in the need for a little break. And a new container of Clorox wipes.

Mama-boy snuggle

Today was a rare nap day for Zachary and I took the opportunity to get baby Caleb to fall asleep. I laid down in bed, cradled him in my arm and gave him my pinkie and stroked his forehead and viola, asleep. Then I settled in and fell asleep for a short nap myself. 20 minutes into my nap, I heard Zachary stirring down the hall and the sound of him getting a drink from his water bottle. Then the soft padding of his feet coming down the hall. He came into the room and hopped into bed next to me in my other arm. So I spent the next 30 minutes with my two boys snuggled next to me in bed. It was a sweet moment that I hope to replicate many times in the future.

Our pumpkins

random musings

Zachary today wanted to know what Julia and GB were going to be doing today. Randomly asked while we were in the car. We told them that they were probably at home hanging with their families. He replied that we should go and see them and talk to them sometime. I like that my son liked our midwives. Gives me delight to see a small boy relishing the womanly goodness.

He also keeps telling us that he wants to be a family of 5 people, 2 grownups and 3 kids. We inform him that it is almost a certainty that it won't happen.

Also, Caleb and horses are cute. Small dogs are also cute.

Oh and pumpkins and Christmas trees grow at the same time. And the train at Evergreen Farm is not a train, it is a tractor.

Brothers

Bellytime for Caleb. Silly time for Zachary. I tried to persuade Zachary to lay down next to Caleb so I could snatch a photo of the two of them together. This is what he decided he was comfortable with - not really what I was going for but it does reflect Zachary's character and Caleb's smile. Cuties aren't they?!

A new journey

The past two weeks have been filled with these periods of personal and spiritual growth. I realize that much of the growth is postpartum hormone inspired, but hormone induced or not, it is happening. In the midst of the deeper days of postpartum inspired loneliness, I've been doing a little soul searching and spiritual deepening. As this is happening, I also notice that the theme of spirituality and emotional connections and callings has been ever present. One lazy afternoon I joined my neighbors for a discussion of gardening and landscape design and the conversation then flows to how one finds their spiritual side and brings it into the everyday. Then at church, classes on everyday spirituality and contemplative prayer open up doors for me. I feel like I am being talked directly to in these 2 Sundays and in the course of a week, I find that walls that have been in place since I was a child are beginning to be knocked down and I find myself having late night conversations with my husband about these new inspirations, about the push to find my place and the organic nature of which these thoughts have made themselves known to me.

They've presented themselves in bits and pieces and I find myself wondering if I'm crazy or truly postpartum, but then my husband tells me that he thinks the ideas are crazy but they make sense him and he understands.

So in the midst of the discussion of how one becomes a more spiritually centered individual, I realize that the paths that I have been walking the past 15 years are extensions of what was expected of me, of what I was successful at doing at that time in my life and also what I thought I enjoyed. My love of the natural world and the conservation of it led me to pursue 2 degrees and then to fight to get the jobs that I hoped would allow me to help to make the world a little bit better and to feel fulfilled. But I've learned that the only times in the almost decade I worked that I felt truly happy were few and far between. I spent most of the time bored, longing for something inspiring to happen. I kept thinking that I'd find that time that I felt happy, challenged and creative all at the same time. I longed for something that I felt passionate about. Plus, I had lots of time and money into schooling and I could not just leave that behind.

Then on a recent Sunday morning, the discussion of paths to finding a deeper spiritual self brought up the need for a deeper connection to nature to be able to progress having a deeper spiritual self. Once this was established, then a person could create the spiritual bonds between other people. Listening to this, I felt as if she was talking only to me. I realized that all the years of me studying and working in environmental science had established for me that deeper knowledge and connection with the natural world and that I had needed to go to that level to be able to move to the next level of my own spirituality. Some people need to take walks outside instead of turning on the television, but I needed to delve into the natural world more to be able to move on. With that thought in mind, I realized that I now needed to allow myself to put my education and career behind me and allow myself to walk forth to connect with people at a higher spiritual level than I was finding working in the environmental sector.....

With that in mind, I am exploring the possibility of a new career. More to come as I wrangle with these new thoughts and spend some time with my current responsibilities.