I need a village. And sleep

I need a village and I need one quick. Right now Zachary sleeps on my lap and I'm contorting myself to type and to write my thesis on the couch. Zachary has decided this week to go to a new extreme with his mommy-separation-anxiety and this has resulted in some pretty severe sleep issues. In addition, he's teething again (4 molars are creating mountains in his little mouth) and he's had a cold. UGH. That is way too much for a little 11 month old to handle and it's a lot for his parents to handle too.

Don't get me wrong, it is endearing to have him be so attached to me, but sometimes a mama wants to put her son down, go to the bathroom alone, cook some dinner or sleep without a baby attached to her. Sometimes a mama wants her little one to sleep more than a few hours uninterrupted or to not wake up for 2 hour stretches overnight or not have to get out of bed and rock the baby for an hour or two. Or as it is right now, I'd just like to put him down and take a shower.

It is also hard to keep up one's relationship with your spouse at this stage as well. Sleep deprivation makes one a bit crazy, creates short tempers and general misbehaving. I'm trying very hard but it's tough and poor Greg takes the brunt of my frustration. I can't yell at Zachary at 3 in the morning that I want to go to sleep, but it's so much easier to bitch at Greg about the dishes the morning after... It's not fair and I need to behave and I need the babe to sleep as well.

That's where the village would be nice. When I quit work, I lost a huge chunk of my village. Folks just don't come around that often. Then we moved and my village got smaller. Plus we have no family nearby and driving to Houston is not my idea of a village, despite what my mother-in-law says...

I'd really like to have more mamma's around to commiserate with, to gather with and to just plain not be alone. I really didn't realize how having a baby isolated a person and how it could make a person lonely at times. Okay, okay, I know, I'm just exhausted, overcaffinated and need a bit a vacation and a completed thesis.

Well, I finally put the babe down in his crib and he didn't wake up. So that means I have a minimum of 15 minutes till he wakes to a max of.... Well... Hopefully hours. So I'm off to shower, grab a snack and change the sheets on the bed.

I promise, after some sleep and a little break, I will be a happier blogger.... Tomorrow will be cute photo day, promise.

My son is a fish

No, I know, I'm not Faulkner and Zachary isn't Vardaman, thank goodness! But Zachary is definitely some sort of water loving animal. My son is crazy about water. He wigs out when we turn the tub faucet on. In the mornings, when the Mummy gets to take her shower, I have to close all doors and very quietly turn on the water because half the time he wakes from his naps upon hearing the sound of gushing water. He loves it that much.

So last week I bought him a pool. We made our first trip to the chain toy store and picked out a grand blow up pool for $20. We came home and set it up in the yard and filled it with water and my little water-lubbin' rascal all but ran into it. Too cute, too much fun.

Now on Friday I let him fill the pool himself. I have to make sure to drain it occasionally since the birds love it and so do mosquito larvae and I don't want to nuke the grass. Anyways, we had been outside playing in the front of the house. We were playing stand on the chair and also played help give the herbs a drink and unplant them and play in the mud. He loves the dirt from the pots. Well by this time, say 9:30 am, he was covered head to toe in mud and I figured it was a perfect time for a quick dip in the pool, especially since it wasn't very sunny out yet so I could forgo the sunscreen and the skeeters were low. I got the pool, put it on the patio and stuck the hose in it and away Zachary went. He scurried over to the pool, went over the side and grabbed the hose. He loved it! He was soaked head to toe. He squirted himself in the face, he gave the dog a drink, he splashed, he frolicked and romped and his mama had a wonderful time and was satisfied to be the mommy.

House and Home

Since Zachary was born, I have been trying to define the meaning of home. Before Zachary, home was at Casa Griffin with Greg. Casa Griffin was this strange, vibrant house that had personalit of it's own - created from 120 years of previous owners and from us as well. But 1217 Chestnut Street also was my first home, my first place where I created roots, where Greg and I shaped our visions of our future, where I cooked 4 Thanksgiving dinners, learned to tile, watched deer from the living room and learned about homeownership. And then the house became the hindrance to being able to stay at home with my new baby and so Greg and I realized that it was only a house and that home was much simpler than we knew... Greg, Katherine and Zachary = HOME.

So we moved, downsized our life and have been enjoying being back in Austin. And over the past month or two, we've been searching for a new house. Man, what a process. The real estate market here has gone absolutely nuts. All the great neighborhoods that were expensive 6 years ago are ludicrously priced now and so we've had to change what we were looking for.. before I would have said a small bungalow in a quaint neighborhood, such as Bouldin Creek or Travis Heights, with some established trees and interesting neighbors with yard art. Well, after a few lost bids on houses and frustration with escalating house prices, increasing interest rates and few houses on the market, Greg and I have decided to purchase a new home by a builder. Yup, the Griffin's are moving to the 'burbs! Sort of... it is only 2 miles from where we currently live and actually, the project is an infill project in a community that Greg's old boss at TBG planned.

We showed up last Saturday and decided to do it. Come this after noon, we'll have put down earnest money and will await the completion of the house. Wow...

We'll be establishing home again. I thought for a while I didn't need a house to do that, but I've been longing to dig in the dirt with Zachary and put in flowers and food and to paint his bedroom and organize closets. Silly, I know, but still wants. I will work hard however to not go crazy and let the house define me. I think this will be easier for sure at this new house... it's in a subdivision for goodness sake. If you knew our last home, I think you'll understand what I'm saying.

House doesn't = home, but I'm looking forward to being at home in this house.

Coffee-Talk and baby free

Guess what, I'm away and ALL ALONE working on my thesis. Yes, that's right, I have escaped the house and I'm working. No no, you are not working, you are saying, you are playing on the web and your blog... yes, I am, but I just had to write this because it's been a long time since i've been child-free and thesis capable!!!!

Zachary and Daddy have food at home ready for them and are mowing the yard right now- don't worry, they are safe, because our mower is a non-motorized push mower and Zachary is perched on his daddy's back in the backpack. Hopefully Greg will feed Zachary soon and bathe him and so forth, but if not, oh well!!

Ok. Back to work. I LOVE the look of the table here in the coffee shop - papers strewn everywhere, computer,a cup of joe by my side and the cell phone, on vibrate, just in case.

I'm going to go relish this now and write LOTS!!!

Wanna play in my sandbox?

Is it safe for kids to eat sand? Zachary really seems to be enjoying eating sand. He does so in such a supremely cute way that I just let him, because I just can't stop the cuteness. I fill up his pail with sand and then he bends over to inspect the sand and leans into the pail, sticks out his tongue and tries a mouthful of the sand. Much too funny. His other sand eating technique is to take his wet hand and plant it firmly into the sand, thus coating his little hand with a fine layer of sand. He then take his hand to his mouth and licks it all off. That elicits a look to me that is then followed by the sweetest giggle and then mommy-heart-melting! I really hope the sand tastes like sugar.

Listening to God

I have thought since Zachary was just a wiggly presence in my belly that he knew God. Now I'm not trying to be all super-religious here... I am just trying to say that I feel that Zachary lived within me for 9 months and during that he really knew God and what life really is. During those first few weeks, I'd whisper to him and ask him about the meaning of life, what God looked like and what sort of conversations they had shared. I longed for Zachary to tell me what happened those months that he squirm around in me, listening to the muffled sounds of my voice, feeling me press on my belly to rub his small back and pat his little tush. Something happened in there and wished to know.

I mean, think about it, from a simple sperm and an egg comes this dividing mass of cells known as a blastocyst and from this develops an embryo which then turns into a fetus which becomes my son once he was born. AMAZING. Truly truly awesome. So shouldn't this bundle of wonder know the unknown? Don't babies, truly innocent beings, know the answers to the simplest yet most complex questions.

anyways, I came across the following writing today and it so simply states what I have asked Zachary since he was born.


Day-Old Child by Carol Lynn Pearson


My day-old child lay in my arms.
With my lips against his ear
I whispered strongly, How I wish-
I wish that you could hear;

“I’ve a hundred wonderful things to say
(A tiny cough and a nod)
Hurry, hurry, hurry and grow
So I can tell you about God.

My day old baby'’s mouth was still
And my words only tickled his ear.
But a kind of light passed through his eyes,
And I saw this thought appear;

How I wish I had a voice and words;
I've a hundred things to say.
Before I forget I'd tell you of God-

I left him yesterday.”

Big Stacy week

This week has been a blast for the Griffins. This week Zachary enjoyed swimming at Big Stacy Pool. I don't mean just enjoyed, I mean totally and completely, flipping out excited enjoyment of the pool. Zachary sees the water and the kids and people splashing in the water and he just gets all excited and squeals and kicks and smiles. It is completely delightful and such a kick to watch him.

We have been swimming at Big Stacy Pool, which is a partially warmmspring fed pool located a few miles from our house. It is the fabulous pool was built by the by the Works Projects Administration in the 30's and is filled with Austinites from all walks of life.

Well Zachary adores being there. So much so that the past two days that we have gone (yes, that is right, swimming in the end of February/beginning of March!) we didn't even make it to the playground because he was so excited. Greg met us at the park after work both days (he rode his bike from work! Yippee!) and we just had a delightful time. Zachary gets in the water and begins to do this frantic frog kick and pushes off of me and desperately wants to swim. However, he isn't into getting his face wet still, as he will occasionally submerge his face and then get upset when he discovers the water. Poor little guy.

This weekend is going to be cooler-temperatures in the mid 60's, so I don't thing we will be doing any swimming this weekend, but we can't wait to take lessons next month.
 

Letter to Zachary

Hello Zachary,

I know it has been a long time since I last wrote you. I had every intention of writing to you so often, but as you might realize, life for your mommy has not been ordinary and many things that I have meant to accomplish haven't happened. But of course the important things, like spending time with you, tickling your skinny ribs, blowing on your feet, playing airplane and mommy-baby snuggling time at the breast, those important things have happened.

I hope that one day you will know that your Mom and Dad adore you and because of that, have allowed themselves to completely rearrange their lives to better fit you, to make more time for songs and laughter, and more time for shear love.

I love you, my little bird. You make me complete. You make my life with your daddy full and rich and I look forward to everything.

It is late and you are sleeping and I will go get you and bring you to bed. I will gently wake you and we can have our cuddle time before you drift asleep.

Goodnite my little sweetpea.
love,
Mom

So I've decided to Blog

So I've decided to keep a Blog...

I have decided to embrace the digital way and join the world of blogging. Seems becoming a Mommy has made me want to write down the multitude of thoughts and feelings racing through my sleep-deprived conciousness. Now I have journalled before and have quite a few paper versions filled up, but digital is new for me.

What will this site be for me? I think it will be a place for me to write down my thoughts on Zachary, my Little Bird, and being a new Mom and on my life with Greg as we start a new chapter in our life.

So read on and we'll see where this heads.