random musings

Zachary today wanted to know what Julia and GB were going to be doing today. Randomly asked while we were in the car. We told them that they were probably at home hanging with their families. He replied that we should go and see them and talk to them sometime. I like that my son liked our midwives. Gives me delight to see a small boy relishing the womanly goodness.

He also keeps telling us that he wants to be a family of 5 people, 2 grownups and 3 kids. We inform him that it is almost a certainty that it won't happen.

Also, Caleb and horses are cute. Small dogs are also cute.

Oh and pumpkins and Christmas trees grow at the same time. And the train at Evergreen Farm is not a train, it is a tractor.

Brothers

Bellytime for Caleb. Silly time for Zachary. I tried to persuade Zachary to lay down next to Caleb so I could snatch a photo of the two of them together. This is what he decided he was comfortable with - not really what I was going for but it does reflect Zachary's character and Caleb's smile. Cuties aren't they?!

A new journey

The past two weeks have been filled with these periods of personal and spiritual growth. I realize that much of the growth is postpartum hormone inspired, but hormone induced or not, it is happening. In the midst of the deeper days of postpartum inspired loneliness, I've been doing a little soul searching and spiritual deepening. As this is happening, I also notice that the theme of spirituality and emotional connections and callings has been ever present. One lazy afternoon I joined my neighbors for a discussion of gardening and landscape design and the conversation then flows to how one finds their spiritual side and brings it into the everyday. Then at church, classes on everyday spirituality and contemplative prayer open up doors for me. I feel like I am being talked directly to in these 2 Sundays and in the course of a week, I find that walls that have been in place since I was a child are beginning to be knocked down and I find myself having late night conversations with my husband about these new inspirations, about the push to find my place and the organic nature of which these thoughts have made themselves known to me.

They've presented themselves in bits and pieces and I find myself wondering if I'm crazy or truly postpartum, but then my husband tells me that he thinks the ideas are crazy but they make sense him and he understands.

So in the midst of the discussion of how one becomes a more spiritually centered individual, I realize that the paths that I have been walking the past 15 years are extensions of what was expected of me, of what I was successful at doing at that time in my life and also what I thought I enjoyed. My love of the natural world and the conservation of it led me to pursue 2 degrees and then to fight to get the jobs that I hoped would allow me to help to make the world a little bit better and to feel fulfilled. But I've learned that the only times in the almost decade I worked that I felt truly happy were few and far between. I spent most of the time bored, longing for something inspiring to happen. I kept thinking that I'd find that time that I felt happy, challenged and creative all at the same time. I longed for something that I felt passionate about. Plus, I had lots of time and money into schooling and I could not just leave that behind.

Then on a recent Sunday morning, the discussion of paths to finding a deeper spiritual self brought up the need for a deeper connection to nature to be able to progress having a deeper spiritual self. Once this was established, then a person could create the spiritual bonds between other people. Listening to this, I felt as if she was talking only to me. I realized that all the years of me studying and working in environmental science had established for me that deeper knowledge and connection with the natural world and that I had needed to go to that level to be able to move to the next level of my own spirituality. Some people need to take walks outside instead of turning on the television, but I needed to delve into the natural world more to be able to move on. With that thought in mind, I realized that I now needed to allow myself to put my education and career behind me and allow myself to walk forth to connect with people at a higher spiritual level than I was finding working in the environmental sector.....

With that in mind, I am exploring the possibility of a new career. More to come as I wrangle with these new thoughts and spend some time with my current responsibilities.

Potty Talk Chronicles, # 2

Greg took this photo. Lordy, this is what I have to look forward to with a household of boys. Nuff said....

It is a sleepy day

One to log. Caleb slept from 9:45 pm to 3:45 am last night. I woke up to nurse him figuring it was the 12:30 nursing and had to clean my glasses and rub my eyes when I saw what time it was. I was ecstatic to see that I'd slept almost 5 hours straight last night. It has been 3 or 4 months since I did that.

And now, both boys are sleeping. Zachary is actually napping. I will now apologize to Mother Earth, because I burned extra fossil fuels to get the kid to nap on our way home from preschool, but it worked and he's napping. First time in 1 1/2 weeks. Now I should go nap too. Blessed sleep.

Birth Week - part 3

Orange Race Car. Acquired from the toys at Julia's office while visiting that Tuesday. Kid didn't want to leave, so Julia played the old "take the toy with you so you'll leave" game. It worked and he was in love with that car. I made sure he knew it was Julia's, not ours, and that we had to bring it back on Friday at our next appointment. He brought the car to lunch with Greg and me. At nap, he put the car on the ground and gave it a pacifier and tucked it in. After nap, he bounced out of bed to find it and play with it. The car went to Deep Eddy pool with us. It had to stay in the car so other kids would not play with it. It went to the playground on Wednesday, raced down the slide with Jaylen and was filled with mulch. It was painted and then had bath. All the while he reminded us that it was Julia's orange race car and she was letting him borrow it. It even came out Thursday morning. He bounded over t o Julia, who was trying to take my vitals and announced "Julia. Julia. Look at my orange race car."

* photo taken by Zachary on August 19th, 2008.

Potty Talk Chronicles, # 1

I'm a sucker for potty talk. I love a chuckle over a fart, toot or plain old disgusting poop stories. Since I now have 3 boys (I mean 2 boys and 1 husband) in my life, I'm guessing the potty humor will be pretty prevalent and I might as well chronicle it to laugh at later.

At bathtime tonight, Zachary announces to me, "Mommy, I farted in the bathtub.I farted and it went into the water. And it came out of a hole in my bottom. Look Mommy, I have a hole in my bottom. Look, it's right here!" he exclaims as he turns around to show me....

No really Zachary, I don't need to look! I do need wipe tears from my eyes from laughing so hard.

Hair loss

This morning when I picked up Caleb from his cosleeper, I noticed a pile of hair on the sheet and I thought to myself "Damn Cat!".... then I remembered that the cat is on an extended stay at the vet's office and realized the hair was from Caleb's sweet head.

I knew he was suffering from classic male patterned baldness but did not think he'd be bald by weeks end. Poor little guy. I'm trying to enjoy the last of his silky dark hair before it is all gone. sniff sniff.

Parenting Two....alone

Greg went back to work yesterday. He had three fabulous weeks home with us and despite all the challenges that we had helping our eldest son adjusting to life with a new baby, Greg and I cherished the time we got to spend together. Greg also got to sympathize with the challenges of parenting all day and got a glimpse of complexities of taking care of a newborn and a 3 year old. I appreciate that he has a better understanding of what happens in the Griffin household between 7 am and 5:30 pm.

Today is day 2. Yesterday was tough. Zachary dearly missed his daddy and it came out in many different ways yesterday. I learned that trying to juggle breastfeeding the newborn and breaking up a struggle between 3 year olds on the top of a playground is challenging and not preferred. Images of starting out my first day of parenting two with a trip to the hospital for a fractured skull flashed in front of me as I ran up the playground. Thank goodness for faster mommy friend who got up to the top before me.

However, things are much better today. I feel calmer. I'm enjoying the return to relative normalcy. Zachary had a good day at preschool, Caleb and I slept till 8 am. The deviation from the norm was my frantic housecleaning with a newborn strapped to me in a sling as I finished prepping the house for the real estate agents who came to take photos of the house. That was not fun, but I finished vacuuming and hid items in dresser drawers and left the house, hoping to leave the stress behind. I bought a new Moby sling at Austin Baby on my way to lunch with Greg. We enjoyed the fabulous weather, an iced coffee, sandwich and people watching together at Jo's. Now it is the afternoon and Caleb sleeps, Zachary practiced a little quiet time in his room and we're chilling with the windows open watching a little PBS while waiting for Daddy to get home. Overall, it has been an enjoyable and totally doable day. Not too bad for a mom with 2 kids. Whew.

Family outings

We have taken a few family outings the past 2 weeks. The first was 2 days after Caleb was born. I needed out of the house - I'd been housebound for almost a week before Caleb was born, with playgroups getting cancelled with sick kids and hot weather keeping me inside. So having had Caleb at home and no big trips to hospitals, I was ready to leave. So the first trip was to the Farmers Market. We said hello to our old friend Rasme and bought some eggs. Then Greg bought me a great ceramic coffee mug from the potter, a small gift since the painting he ordered from Shannon Lowry hadn't come in yet. We bought apples from Love Creek Orchard and then headed home. Actually, we went to Austin Baby to pick up our diaper service pail and diapers, since I still didn't have them yet. The side trip made the trip a bit too long for me and my worn out body and Caleb melted down in the car, but we headed home quickly and all survived.

Our next big trip came on Wednesday, day 6 of Caleb's life. We headed to Butler Park to the sprinklers for a "Zachary Morning"... he had started to have a really rought time and his emotions were very fragile and we wanted to have a fun morning where all of us went. I hunkered down in the shade of the landscaping and watched Zachary play with a friend in the sprinklers and afterwards ride his bike around the park. And we were even able to steal 2 pictures of Zachary with Caleb, about the only 2 photos he has let us get of the 2 of them together.

Birth Week - part 2

Swimming. Lots of it. When babe decides that flipping over to ROP (posterior/sunnyside up) is an okay thing to do, then mama has to take control and persuade him that the left side, anterior position is much. much. better. So I did a lot of cat-cow/pelvic rocks, hanging out on my birth ball, some crazy inversions from Spinningbabies.com and a lot of talking to the baby to persuade him to flip back. He had been flipping sides a bunch the last few weeks and at my home visit with Julia on Saturday, she confirmed what I thought that he was again posterior. So more swimming was prescribed by the good midwife. And since I've spent this pregnancy in a small bikini with a growing belly at various waterbodies in Austin, I decided to head back to Deep Eddy. Of course on the drive it begins to thunder, and apparently thunder without rain or lightening means pools temporarily closed, so we ended up downstream of Barton Springs Pool in the Creek. Zachary and Greg played near the shore and I swam laps, avoiding erratic paths of novice canoer heading into shore.

Of course there was lots more swimming during Birth Week. After my baby non-movement scare, I canceled a chiropractor appointment to catch a last minute appointment with Julia Tuesday to check on the baby. Since I didn't get an adjustment from my super chiropractor and my back and S/I joints were hurting, I decided to pick Greg up from work and head over to Deep Eddy for some more swimming. Our plans were almost thwarted as I pulled out of the garage into the biggest downpour of rain all summer long. I decided that there was no way this could last all night and that the pools would reopen within 30 minutes of thunder. I decided to risk it and headed to Greg's office to fetch him. The rain settled to a gently drizzle once Zachary and I arrived at Greg's office, the skies to the west began to clear and the temperature dropped 15 degrees. Perfect. We ate a quick, early dinner at Magnolia before heading across the street to the pool. By now, the temperature was in the upper 70's after the rain, the pool was pleasantly empty and the cool evening air making the water feel pleasantly extra chilly. It was also a funny sweet night of women asking about my giant belly. The funny was the mom of 4 kids, who were taking their swim lessons that afternoon. Her 7 year old came over to Zachary and I in the pool and made pleasant small talk with Zachary and then asked me "How many months pregnant are you? My mom told me to come over and ask you because she wants to know." And of course, the poor mom heard this, which I adoringly loved. I did talk to the sweet, timid mom later and let her admire the crazy belly. The sweet was from the 2 woman swimming laps in the deep end with me. The first woman, who worked in an OB/GYN's office, told me she initially thought I had the worst case of stretch marks she'd ever seen. Thankfully she was observing my protruding and painted belly from across the lane with goggles on, so I forgave her. The other fabulous woman was a former childbirth educator who also taught prenatal exercise classes 20 years ago. We had wonderful conversations in the deep end about prenatal care, babies, differences between obstetrics and midwifery, about my lovely belly... So swimming became all about being a total exhibitionist and proudly displaying my pregnant self. Of course, the feeling of weightlessness in the cold spring water and of moving through the water gracefully will work wonders for the physical and spiritual health of a 39 week pregnant woman.

Oh, and all the swimming and pelvic rocking worked. That morning at our last-minute appointment, Julia confirmed that the little guy had moved anterior again. Swimming - good for me, good for my soul and good for the babe.

Birth Week - part 1

Pregnant belly art...

The Twelfth Day

There are so many thoughts, stories, and emotions that are still swirling in my head about the birth of Caleb, about becoming a family of 4, of being pregnant and the loss of ones belly afterwards, about midwifery, friends and community, and slowing down to enjoy life.

Today, 12 days after Caleb was born, I think can start to attempt to put some of my words down as text. Today my brain and body are feeling more rested, more recovered and I'm feeling my community of friends and mamas coming together to help us out. Many thanks to you all. So to start my writing, here's a picture of what life with Caleb feels like...

Whew

It's officially gotten hard around here. Some things are getting easier, like nursing and engorgement. Fun stuff. Caleb decided last night that he'd sleep between 12 am and 3 am, so that was a nice change. Zachary went to preschool this morning and is getting over the worst of his cold and Greg and I got a chance to sit down, talk in the quiet of the house, stare at Caleb and then clean up and do some laundry.

But, then comes this afternoon. Greg comes home, he's officially slammed with a cold now, Zachary doesn't nap, Caleb is awake and super non stop nurser and a bonafide super-duper-pooper machine and now it's almost 5, Greg's sleeping, Zachary is watching a video and I'm exhausted and no plans for dinner while Caleb is awake, will only not break down if I'm carrying him and I'm trying to decide what the hell to make for dinner that only requires a few minutes and no extra money spent before payday. Yikes, I'm almost breaking down and calling the relatives, all of which can't come up with us sick anyways because they are either sick themselves or immuno-suppressed..

Calgon, take me away.....Or at least make me dinner.

48 hours

My midwife came over today for our 48 hour checkup. She came upstairs, where Zachary was sitting next to sleeping Caleb on our bed. Zachary takes his hand, extends it out Vanna White style and says, "Hello Julia. Have you met my new baby brother Caleb?"

Julia, "Why yes indeed".....

Hilarious. We all lost it in quite a chuckle.

Caleb Micah Griffin

Caleb Micah Griffin was born at home today a little before 1 pm. The birth was beautiful; a perfect composition of slow movements and insanely fast allegros. Caleb is lovely and we are enjoying our slow time at home, learning to become a family of four.

love,
Kate

Thank heavens for my wonderful midwife

I would like to say a heavenly thank you for my midwife Julia. Tonight I am thankful for her presence in my life and in the life of the baby to come. She is completely dedicated to what she does, which is to take care of the whole person and the small child within.

Julia, thank you for being available to me at 10:30 at night. Thank you for warmly accepting my phone call, even if you were asleep and pretended you were "only sitting and reading a book". Thank you for taking the time to ackowledge my concern, take it seriously, then calm me, tell me to drink some juice, lay down for 45 minutes in a quiet place and to lay my hands on the baby and wait for him to move. Your words calmed me, the juice energized my sleepy boy and obviously he wanted more sugar than just a few cookies. Thank you for calling me back, for laughing with me but reminding me that it is okay to call when I am worried and that we could listen to him tomorrow or get a sonogram or I could just come by her house in the morning and check on things and that we'd touch base in the early morning to see what we wanted to do.

So tonight, I say thank you from the bottom of my heart and from the baby in my belly. What would I do without someone like you in my life at this point.

97% Full Moon

I looked out my bedroom window and noticed the BIG moon and instantly had to check the moon phase. Luckily it is not officially full yet till Saturday, the 16th. That's a good thing because Julia isn't back in town till tomorrow. And since I don't know when her flight gets into town, the official due date of this little boy can't be till the 16th... yes, I am obsessing over this stuff. Officially nutty.

So babe can't come yet. Tomorrow Rebecca comes over and I get my belly henna tattoo done. I am so excited that it will be adorned and want it to be this grand focal point for me. Plus, it will distract from the new stretch marks that appeared this week.

And on Saturday, my midwife Julia comes for a home visit on Saturday afternoon. We still have a few home repairs and household cleaning to do. I've given Greg the goal of getting it all done by Saturday morning. So we need to clean, we need to repair the carpet on the stairs (purchased today), closet doors in Zachary's room need to be installed. At least we've finally managed to rearrange the bedrooms, getting Zachary's new bed and reassembling his toddler bed into a crib in the former guest room/office. The previous bedroom is now a playroom. The poor babes crib is currently full of stuff and the side rail doesn't properly work yet, but we have a cosleeper ready to set up. I finally washed the baby's clothing and we put together a changing table and put things into the bins under it. I bought a new mattress pad for the bed. We have the birth kit and the extra items that Julia requests stored in the closet. We even aired up the birth pool in the playroom this week. I've resisted filling it full of water, but reserve the right to do so. We even bought wooden letters and Zachary and I put the babes name on the wall. Totally his suggestion, so I guess now we have to stick with the name (but I also reserve the right to change that if need be.)

Off to tidy up, watch some Olympics, do some dishes and rest....


So babe has to stay put for at least 36 more hours. Then we can talk.

Pool in the extra room?

I'm feeling so seriously worn out and swollen today that I'm thinking of setting up the birth pool in the spare room ahead of time and just hanging out in it. The garden tub just ain't cutting it and it is too late to go to the pool. At least I could do night swims while pregnant with Zachary in the San Marcos River and I'm missing that 1 mile to the river right now.

Seriously, I feel so swollen right now and I'm getting slammed with these Braxton-Hicks contractions that look like some scene from Alien, I'm starting to think this might be a good idea. For those of you who are curious what the tub looks like (and since I know only 2 or 3 people read this and 2 of you were at the Blessingway wanting to see then deflated pool) here's a link to it, Made In Water. Coolest company name ever.

Now to go and finish moving things around in the spare room. I was cleaning it up so I could move Zachary's new bed and the crib, but now I'm thinking it's pool time.

No nap days for us

We're on day 4 of no naps. There have been a few days of naps, but since last Monday, 4 naps missed. Dear God, what am I to do. Part of the problem is our method of falling asleep no longer works. Up till now, we'd read a book in the rocking chair and he'd lay his head on me and fall asleep in less than 5 minutes. I know, not an independent thing to do, but it worked, so why try and change it. And I have tried to change it, really, but when you're pregnant and have a 3 year old, you just want them to sleep and the other methods take forever.

So today I realize he's not really going to nap. He's exhausted but wired and much too chatty. I suggest quiet time. We talk about it and he's okay with it. I go downstairs to attempt to make food and come back up and he's not in his bed. I smell paint. I find him and he's in my bathroom with red nail polish all over himself - his foot, his hands, the floor. "Mommy, I'm just painting myself". So after a bath and some excessive scrubbing, 50% of the nail polish is removed. At least the stuff on his eyelid is gone. Goodness.


So we try a nap again. Read a book and tuck him in and go into the office to finally check my email. He's quiet for a few minutes. Then he starts talking and singing, then he's playing. Then he comes in and tells me he needs a moving box from the office and drags that into his room to play with. Next he's coming in telling me that he's awake and quiet time is over. Then he has the egg timer and is ringing it and exclaiming that quiet time is over and that he's counted and it is all done. Then he moves onto putting on his George mask and playing in the bathroom in front of the mirror for a few minutes.

I think we're going to turn on PBS soon. Maybe I can keep him close by enough to know when he moves and squeeze in a 30 minute nap for myself. I think this time I'll lock the bedroom and bathroom door just in case.

What makes me happy

Here are the things that made me happy today:

1. Baby boy #2 decided that turning head down was a good idea. He's been transverse for the past month and a half, and as my midwife reassured me again today, transverse is a good position and she wouldn't worry about it, however she did sympathize with me that it's damn uncomfortable. But when she palpated my bulging belly, we found his little head down low and his booty up high. Guess our train ride to Fort Worth jiggled him into place. Or he was tired of his big brother trying to sit on his head when I carried Zachary between places.

2. Repeated and prolonged exposure to sunlight will bleach anything back to white. Seriously, why buy bleach. Just hang your white cloth napkins on your clothesline and leave for 3 days and when you come home, they'll no longer be pink from red socks in the laundry or stained from spaghetti sauce or chocolate ice cream. They'll be crisp and white and will smell good too.

3. Zachary has learned to poop in the toilet. He's been doing it consistently for 2 weeks and it is the nicest thing in the whole. wide. world. You seriously don't know how happy it will make you until you potty train a kid.

4. Zachary-isms crack me up. Little guy is coming up with funny stuff all the time and I forget half of it by the time I sit down, but tonights I remembered.

Walking through Central Market today on Greg's shoulders after dinner, he announced that "Central Market has dog poop ice cream" as we walked by the gelato display. I can't deny that the ice cream looks a bit like dog poop. He's right.

Second funny. In the new car on our way home, he asked again where the "old, clean green car was". I replied that "Daddy sold it and we bought a new car". His reply "Daddy sold it for junk." Well, yes, he did and he got a darn good trade in value, but where did the kid come up with that. He kept repeating it and cracking us up every single time.

1, 2, 3, 4, Dinosaurs

Zachary has gotten into dinosaurs that past month. Not in the traditional boy way where you can name all the dinosaurs and play with brontosaurus and tell me which eat other dinosaurs and which is the biggest and smallest, but in a uniquely Zachary way.

Let me back up a bit and give some history. Zachary got a bunch of dinosaur and reptile and amphibian plastic toys from our 6 year old neighbor Jonah, who according to his mom, had enough to spare. He's been enjoying those a lot and got a little interested in dinosaurs, especially when our other neighbor friend likes to play "growl like a dinosaur" and the boys start chasing each other growling. Then add in a trip to the Texas Memorial Museum on the UT Campus last month. Greg had an all day Saturday conference on the campus and Zachary and I decided it would be a good time to go explore, walk around all day and see Daddy at his breaks. We hiked around campus and made our way over to the museum. Zachary was not impressed by the rocks and the gems, so we headed 1st floor to the Hall of Geology and Paleontology (where my favorite dinosaur is housed). He was at first intrigued and then very quickly got freaked out and wanted to go. But this is the kid who spends hours growling like a dinosaur and I was determined to make him look at just a little of it (esp. when 6 month pregnant mama walked across campus to get here and wanted some AC!). I picked him up and took him around and explained what different animals and dinosaurs and fossils were. We found sea animals and turtle fossils and wacky fish fossils, but the ones with the big big teeth kept freaking him out.

So using my mama scientist/teacher brain, I proceeded to explain that what we were looking at (a very not scary looking dead animal with very small teeth) was just the bones. No skin. That didn't sink in so I reminded him that he has bones under his skin. Lightbulb moment because he's been way into poking us and asking about our bones lately. "Yup, the skin is gone and all that is left is the bones. See, here's the head and here's the cheeks and here are where the eyes are, see? Feel mommy's cheeks and see how I have squishy spots where my eyes are. Ouch, gentle touch please"... well then he got it and then seemed to be enjoying looking at them. We talked about how the scientists found the bones and dug them out of the ground, just like we do at the Nature and Science Center. "Remember how we dig them out with shovels and brush away the dirt?" Then I explained that the scientists brought the bones back to the museum and they put them back together and Viola, skeletons at the museum.

Now fast forward a few weeks. Small son starts asking about how the dinosaurs got in the dirt. I explain they died and then got covered with dirt and then were found a long long time later by the scientists. Now starts up the "it died. It is dead" phase. Everything begins to be dead and to die. He begins to tell Greg how all these different things have died and were covered with dirt and sand. He asks me if the dirt will cover him when he is dead and if the scientists will carry his bones back to the museum after they've dug them up. This line of conversation has been going on for weeks, especially after we got back from the beach, where we did a lot of digging in the sand and after two weeks of dinosaurs theme in his preschool classroom.

So here's the fun part. At bedtime, part of our going to sleep ritual after Greg has completed all his daddy rites of sleep is that I go in and sing him a few songs and say a prayer (included in the prayers is our dinner prayer). So I sing him Hush Little Baby (Sylvia Long style) and a Sarah Hickman song and then a Beatles lullabye and he insists that I sing him the dinosaur song. I tell him I don't know it and can he sing it to me, assuming he'll break into song that he learned at school that week.

Well the song starts with "There are 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11-teen, 13, 14, 17, 18, 13 Dinosaurs. Living on the Beach." (complete with crescendos and high and low notes). "1 died. and that left 3." .... the song proceeds till no dinosaurs are left on the beach. Then "the scientists dig up them bones. And take them back to the museum and put them back together again."

So we've been singing this as one of our goodnight songs the past week. The song has been shortened by mom... we count to 10 and then 1 dies and my bad math makes it 3. All the dinosaurs die till there are none on the beach and then we sing that there are no dinosaurs left. For a while I encouraged the dinosaurs to take off swimming or going for a walk or to dinner, but he's insisting that they die.

Crazy child. We are raising some poor kid who will be a nerd just like his mom and dad. I'm so proud.

3rd year birthday

My little guy turned 3 years old. We had a fabulous birthday and he's completely into birthdays, cake and presents. He kept wishing Greg and I a happy birthday too, so he's also into sharing the fun.

We splurged and got the boy a bike. A real bike too, a Specialized 12 inch wheeled bike. He loves it. Compass bell included. He has already crashed it 3 times into the woods as well and was a real trooper about it all.

We enjoyed cooking steaks and beets and spaetzle noodles for dinner. We opened presents and ate cupcakes at the park (his request to go to the park to eat the cupcakes and we obliged). We also had a small party with 3 of his friends and their families at Zilker Park, where we rode the Zilker Zephyr and ate cake and played. We kept things very simple and he had an fabulous time and we're enjoying our little guy getting older.

Senna

A few weeks ago, we bid a bittersweet farewell to our dog, Senna. Greg and I adopted Senna 6 summers ago from Town Lake Animal Shelter and she was our first fuzzy daughter (legitimate, that is. Maya the cat was from pre-marriage). She's been a member of the family and we miss her. But, when we realized we were about to become a family of 4 with 2 pets in a 1400 square foot house with an itsy bitsy yard, we decided that we couldn't handle Senna's sad eyes staring at us when we took care of our human kids first. So we were lucky enough to find friends who wanted to start their family and Senna is a welcome addition to their family of 3. We're so grateful to them and know that Senna is happy again.

We love you, Sennacita.

Sandy and Windy

For Mother's Day weekend and simply just for a break, we headed to Port Aransas last week for 4 days and 3 nights of sand and saltwater. We left on Thursday before naptime and arrived early in the evening. Favorite quotes from our drive were "why are we going to the beach" about a zillion times. Favorite pictures from the drive were Zachary using his potty on the side of the road by the Guadalupe River outside of Gonzales.

We headed straight to the beach after checking into the motel and I was delighted to see Zachary attack the beach with such force. He loved it. We had to peel him from the sand covered sidewalks at the beach entrance and once he discovered the water, the wet sand, the shells, the unlimited fun, there was no turning back. Literally. He wouldn't go back to our little new house (as he liked to call our 50's beach motel). He was totally into the beach and we were delighted. He loved being wet, sandy, covered in sunscreen, beach snacks and wet sand. He loved splashing in waves, going into the deep water, sitting on his beach chair early Friday morning when he got cold "just watching the waves" as he told me. We loved his enthusiasm and enjoyed our last trip together as a family of 3.

I look forward to heading back next year to the beach again, taking enthusiastic Zachary and baby boy 2. We'll have fun and I'm sure Zachary will make sure his little brother enjoys himself too.

Bella Luna

Last night, as we were leaving the stores from shoe shopping, I pointed out the moon to Zachary.

"Look, it's the moon".

"No, it is not the moon. It is bella luna."

Broke my little heart.

Then he said,

"I want to touch her, the bella luna."

"It's too high" I said.

"Maybe I can use a ladder to touch her, or a helicopter"...

Sweet stuff.

Creating the family vision

Greg said it today as we walked back to the car after lunch "This is what I have always visioned my family being."

This was in response to me tapping him on the shoulder to look back at our son. Zachary was slowly sauntering along the streetscape, his rain jacket bundled around him, hood on and his arm stretched out and his fingers brushing along each of the black metal rails of the fence next to the restaurant patio. He was walking his own path to his own time but in step with us as we casually walked from lunch at Jo's around the block to our car on a drizzly grey afternoon. These are the slow moments that we've envisioned our family being about. These types of moments are what I cherish the most about my best friend and husband Greg and seeing our small son enjoying the same peaceful moments as we slowly made our way around the block made the moment something I'll cherish forever.

I am happy I tapped Greg on the arm and told him to look back. Taking that moment to point it out has created a memory forever.

Happy Birthday Fishes

Here is Zachary and his 5 year old cousin Ian, enjoying hanging out with Nana and Papa a few weekends ago. Turns out while we were at dinner with friends, Zachary and Ian got to serenade the fish about 50 times. Lucky fish!

Happy Valentine's Day

We made our own Valentine's this year and I'm so happy I started Zachary out the right way. He is so into Valentine's now. Every heart is a Valentine, even Maya's tiny heart shaped tag on her collar. He loved taking his huge, glitter encased and foil red heart doily Valentine's to school and couldn't wait to give them to his school friends. He keeps opening his Valentine bag and pouring out the cards. He voraciously enjoyed his lollipop yesterday and even gave the other one to Greg "because I saved it for you Daddy".

Today we had a wonderful playgroup, ate scrumptious cupcakes, gave stickers to our friends and after nap we are going to make the last of our sugar cookies that we will share with Greg and his coworkers. These will be transportation themed because that is what Zachary wants and well, giving train and plane and car shaped cookies to transportation planners is just more fun.

What I have learned is that Zachary is very open and receptive to creating traditions and loves occasions that are marked by the creation of special things. Glitter and glue and construction paper turn into gifts for friends, food shared with others brings delight and time together creating with love creates the intentions that we want to live by.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Bathtub conversations

From the tub today as Greg wrapped Zachary in his towels:

Greg: Zachary, these towels are getting too small for you and I can barely wrap it around you. We will have to give them to the new baby and then we can wrap them around your new brother or sister.

Zachary: Daddy, I am not a tiny baby. I am a big boy.

Greg: Yes Zachary, you are a big boy.

Zachary: We will have a tiny baby.

Greg: Yes, we will. You will have a baby brother or a baby sister. And you will be the big brother.

Zachary: I am not a tiny baby. I am a big boy. I will be a big brother. I will have a baby sister.

Greg: Oh really. You want a sister.

Zachary: No, we will have a brother.

Greg: Well, I can guarantee you will either have a brother or a sister. Which one do you want.

Zachary: I want two.


We will make Zachary a big brother come late August, but we won't grant his request of having two!

What happened here?

The last few weeks have been a blur. I have been flopping between one cold to another and when I start to feel better, pregnancy fatigue mixed with
nausea takes over. I haven't been able to be the world's best mom or wife or friend these past few weeks either.

The last month has been one of those insane, mothering is kicking my ass type of months. I really do adore this job, which might surprise a few people, but it has all the job descriptions I have been looking for in a "real" job.. flexible hours (sort of!), lots of time outside, environmental education, gardening, good food, laughter, not many computer technical skills necessary, painting, construction, field trips, spontaneous outings to parks and streams, visiting Greg at work at random hours. But this month I just haven't been on my game and I am looking forward to the fun days of Spring and 2nd trimester ahead when I will be better situated to be a good mommy and do a good job.

Birthdays and Christmas cheer at CasaGriffin

This weekend was filled with simple seasonal pleasures. Zachary and I enjoyed ourselves at our Saturday morning trip to the Farmers Market, where we came home with a cornucopia of fabulous greens from our CSA, a bag of tangerines and 2 bags of the last of the season apples. Poor Zachary won't have any more tiny apples for a little while. After naps, we picked up Madam Mam's and headed over to the Capital for the annual tree lighting and sing-a-long. We ran into a few friends, sang songs, ran around the grounds and cruised up and down Congress Avenue taking in music and the lights.

On Sunday, we celebrated Greg's Birthday. We picked up our buddies in BBQ and adventure, Peter and Rebecca, and drove to Elgin, where we ate sausage and brisket at Southside Market. Then we headed over to Evergreen Christmas Tree farm. Talk about fun. Zachary immediately spotted the tractor and hay wagon and we hopped on and headed out to the tree fields. We roamed the trees, avoided the ant mounds and cactus plants (this is Texas!) and picked our trees and chopped them down. We enjoyed the games and pinecone painting and wished it wasn't 80 degrees outside so we would want to roast marshmallows in the firepits.

At home, we ate a birthday dinner for Greg, had cupcakes to Zachary's delight and decorated the Christmas tree. Our tree is a bit wooley... That is we picked one that was less trimmed and more wild, which looks great in the sandy soils of pine tree country but a little big in our tiny living room. But after some selective trimming, we decked the tree out in holiday cheer.

I think it was a great way to welcome in the holidays and to celebrate Greg's birthday. Friends, songs, bbq and trees.

Conversations from the backseat

Yesterday, after picking Zachary up from school, we were chatting on our drive home and he was telling me about things he saw out the window in downtown.

"Mommy. That's silly. Mommy, that is funny."

"Yes it is honey."

"Mommy. I am silly. I am silly and funny."

"Yes Zachary, you are silly and funny."

Really, the kid is silly. And funny. Truly, I didn't know a 2 year old could be so silly and so funny.

2 AND a half

As of last week, my little Zachary is 2 and a half. Not 30 months, 2 years and a half. No longer do I have to add up months, I can just tell 2 1/2. How time has flown and I'm still not sure how we have gotten here so fast.

My little guy has gone through his independent 2 year old stage (what others might term Terrible Two's)... we came through it with a fabulous independent little person who yearns to do everything on his own and to do it on his terms. He gets into his own carseat, buckles the top buckle, gets out himself. Don't do it for him or else you won't be leaving the garage anytime soon. He puts on his own shoes, decides if he'll be going down the slide by himself or not, demands to open the door to the house, let the dog out, and so on. I think my favorite is when you do something he wants to do, like put away books after reading. He'll go over to the bookshelf and state "No. I do it myself" and remove the book and then proceed to put it away. Again.

Once we realized the benefits of this new independent nature, we've been sailing through toddlerhood in a much easier ride. It can be so much easier to just pick up the little guy and put him where you want him, but respecting his decisions, his voice and his wants is much harder for us. But once we learned to deal with it and give in, we've enjoyed our job as parents so much more.

Anniversary

Today is our 7 year anniversary. Seven years. We got married after having dating seven years. We've been a couple for 14 years and have been friends for 15 years. That's almost half of our lives. I think that I am probably one of the luckiest people out there to have met my soul mate so young, to have kept a hold of him and to have grown together and to be lucky enough to marry him.

I love him. I love our family. I can't believe how time has flown. I can't believe that we are now three. Tonight in the fall crisp air in 2000, we danced under the stars . We enjoyed the company of our closest friends and our family. We danced the chicken dance and laughed at our mothers, grandmothers and friends mothers dancing with us. It was fabulous. But nothing compared to the life we have lived together since then.

What a journey. Mr. Greg, I look forward to the journey ahead of us.















photos by: Sarah Bork Hamilton